"What would you do if you knew you could not fail?"
"The only risk is the one not taken."
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
About Evan Marc Katz
To find out why men disappear from your life, click here Billed as a “personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women,” dating coach Evan Marc Katz has been helping singles find love since 2003. Scores of his clients have gotten married, started families, and found happiness – after only a few months of phone coaching. It’s an unlikely career for a man – much less a man who was called a “serial dater” by CNN - yet that’s what makes Katz such a unique coach.
By helping women understand men – what they think, how they act, and what they really want – he empowers them to make healthy, informed choices in love. Katz likens his 12-week Commitment Course to a Masters Degree in Men, and the metaphor is apt. His clients invariably find their education about men lessens their frustration and increases their likelihood of attracting a like-minded long-term partner.
Katz started his career in customer care at JDate, during which he wrote his first book, “I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating” (Ten Speed Press, 2004). Its release coincided with the online dating boom, and soon, Katz found himself in high demand, with features in USA Today, The Wall St. Journal, and Time Magazine. His follow-up venture, E-Cyrano, was the first company that wrote online dating profiles for thousands of frustrated singles. Quickly, Katz realized that people needed support in all aspects of dating, and expanded his suite of services into dating coaching...even though he’d never had a relationship longer than 8 months. The irony didn’t escape him, and Katz gave his blog the tagline: “Because Who Knows More About Dating than a Guy Who’s Still Dating?” The blog soon became the centerpiece of his site, with Katz answering hundreds of reader questions with logic, wit and empathy, like the unlikely spawn of Dr. Drew, Adam Carolla and Dear Abby. But like many experts who say one thing and do another, Katz began to notice his own hypocrisy. His second book, “Why You’re Still Single – Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad” (Plume, 2006), was a critical success, yet the dating coach was ignoring the very same advice that was leading his clients to love. It wasn’t until Katz took his own wisdom that he met his future wife – and became a much better dating coach in the process. By opening up to a new kind of partner, Katz proved that to get different results in love, you have to make different choices. He’s very glad he did. These days, Katz works primarily with the clients with whom he most identifies – smart, strong, successful women who have everything… except a lasting relationship. With an array of products, group coaching, and one-on-one coaching, Katz offers something for every single woman who wants to get better results in her love life. His latest book, "Why He Disappeared - the Smart, Strong, Successful Woman's Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever" is available exclusively on his website.
Evan Marc Katz is married and lives in Los Angeles with his incredibly cool, incredibly patient, incredibly beautiful wife.
Evan Marc Katz Success Stories
49-Year-Old 5'3" Man Overcomes Neurological Disease and Discovers His Soulmate
Men seeking a relationship
Tom originally reached out to me in 2006. Attractive, successful, athletic, charming - he had everything going for him. Except his height. At 5'3", Tom had a hard time attracting women online since his divorce. Coincidentally, I'd been talking with CBS Early Show about doing a segment at the time, and, the next thing you know, Tom and I are on TV together. He gets a flurry of attention, dates around a bit, tries a few relationships and is then blindsided as he's diagnosed with a neurological disease like M.S.. Suddenly, the 5'3" accountant can't walk without a walker and extensive rehab. His love life is put on hold. Tom returns to me a year and a half later; depressed and frustrated at his lot in life. He has so much to give, but no one will give him the time of day. We immediately dive back into coaching, and I'm nearly bubbling over because of the information I want to share with Tom. See, Tom's weakness was the same as most of our weaknesses - he expected everyone to overlook his deficiencies, but he wouldn't really consider overlooking most women's deficiencies. In other words, the 5'3" guy who can't even walk is rejecting women who are a few years older or a few pounds overweight. What I pointed out to Tom, as his coach and friend, was that the "10s" in looks were rarely "10s" in personality, kindness, humor, empathy, and integrity. I encouraged him to look at his past for verification of this. His refusal to consider women outside his very narrow definition of attractive was effectively relegating him to a life of solitude. Unless that's what he wanted, something had to give. It was like a fire was lit under him. Here is the last email I received from him. "I just wanted to take this time to say “Thank you” for everything you have done for me. The lady I met on Match when we were engaged in our last coaching session and I have not only turned into a couple, but finally exchanged mutual “I love you’s” this past weekend. To top it all off, we both have gone off of Match and are literally making plans for all the things we desire to do with each other, and that includes a trip to Broadway in December. Obviously, I understand there are risks inherent in any presumption concerning the future, but the most important thing is the fact your coaching and, particularly, your friendship, was a factor in this development. I’ve never been happier, walking disorder and all. My friend, by the way, embraces me with the disorder and is a real gamer, never uttering a complaint or ill thought during the times when I need a little assistance. Interestingly, although she is “attractive,” she’s not a “10” by what I suggest may be other people’s standards. As you know, I had been out with quite a few “10’s” and have to say the women who are not “10’s” are just so much more fun to be with, maintain a friendship with and a love that is two ways, as opposed to one, and are much lower on the emotional maintenance side. And for the crème de la crème, my short stature means absolutely nothing to her (the “10’s” are much more judgmental in that regard). I will add our sex life is off the charts (the non 10’s try harder, and that’s great in the bedroom!). In any event, thanks again for all your guidance. I could go on and on about all we have been through (you and I) and may even be equipped to write a little book on it now (LOL), but I just want to express my sincere and deep gratitude for all you have done for me. That session concerning “wants” and “needs” hit home. I suggest it was no coincidence after I learned that lesson from you my love life took a turn for the best. Thank you, Ev, I love you man! Tom P.S. If you ever want a little testimonial, reference, or, especially, have another really short guy looking for some inspiration, you know where to look buddy.
One Client Finds Love Three Times...And the Third Time's The Charm!
Women seeking to start over in a relationship
Marianne was a single mother and an engineer, living with her teenaged daughter in Long Island. When we first worked together, I was impressed with how marketable she was. With her brilliant blue eyes and blond hair, she had the looks that would attract hundreds of men - what she didn't have was the wherewithal to make the right decisions with them. Within a few months of our initial coaching, Marianne found love. The New York Times even did a story on us, and how I'd helped her land an amazing guy online. Alas, that relationship wasn't meant to be. Marianne moved on and returned to me as a member of my Inner Circle Group Coaching Program. Through biweekly calls, Marianne once again steered herself back into a relationship. He was passionate, he treated her well, they were compatible in 1000 ways...except he couldn't get along with her daughter. After 8 months, this proved to be a dealbreaker. So Marianne returned to the Inner Circle for more coaching. She'd been hurt before, but learned from coaching that "the next man has nothing to do with the last man". Using the same techniques that she'd mastered previously, Marianne finally found herself in another relationship, with a completely different type of man. Instead of repeating her patterns, she realized that to get a different result, she had to consider a different kind of partner. Her boyfriend is a good blend of the creative and the masculine - working with his hands, playing guitar, and leaving all the number crunching and analysis to Marianne, the engineer. Marianne's perseverance and devotion to coaching gave her the structure to learn that each relationship contains a very valuable lesson, if only you listen to it.
62-Year-Old Widow in Orange County Finds Bliss...With a Much Younger Man.
Carol is a naturally self-aware woman who redefines the concept of being young for her age. She plans singles events, goes on church outings, and throws dinner parties like Martha Stewart. But after a successful 40 year marriage, she was lost about how to start over. Thankfully, her attitude and positive spirit took all of my teachings and took it to a new level. After working with me for a few months, Carol dated over 40 men in the subsequent years. Even after we were complete with our coaching, she would email me with progress reports and stories. She became a regular reader of my free newsletter and blog, and sent dozens of women my way. And this was BEFORE she found love in the least expected form. While Carol was wealthy and sophisticated, her partner was more salt-of-the-earth. He wasn't wealthy or polished. He wore cowboy hats and had facial hair. What he did, more than anyone she'd meet in her dating journey, was to "get" her and make her feel like the most precious woman in the universe. Amazingly, this man from Appalachia, who was 12 years younger than Carol, turned out to be the perfect foil for her. She realized that she didn't need a man who was wealthier or educated than she was. She needed a man who was more MAN than she was - a person to lean on, and laugh with, and touch, and share. Like many relationships, it was not obvious at first glance, but because of Carol's incredible spirit, determination, and self-awareness, she was able to land herself the perfect catch.
35-year-old Hispanic Veterinarian Is Down on Love, Then Finds It!
Women seeking a relationship
Lori was an easy client to help - on the surface. Smart, successful, beautiful, relationship oriented - and enthusiastic about starting a family of her own. Her problem? She was drawn to emotionally unavailable guys. Like clockwork, she'd invest a lot of time and energy in men who would never pay off - not because they were mean, but because they were ambivalent. And Lori's nervous and negative energy certainly wasn't helping them come to any conclusions. Apart from rebranding her on Match.com as a means of creating new opportunity to meet men, the biggest work we did together was to prevent Lori from getting in her own way when she liked a guy. This meant embracing a more passive, feminine side, which allows men to feel masculine and earn her commitment. Simply by stepping back and letting each man try to woo her, Lori began to feel more desirable. When a man disappointed, she didn't take it personally. She saw it as a lack of commitment on his part, which enabled her to move on to a better man. Seven weeks into our coaching, Lori met Kenneth. He had all the traits of the men she'd desired in the past except these two: he was more quiet and introverted, which allowed Lori to shine more, and, 2) he was incredibly devoted to her. When her father was hospitalized, he stood by her side. When Lori got the flu, he was over her place with chicken soup. And, to her credit, Lori didn't fault him for being "too nice, too soon". She was thrilled to finally have a man who treated her well, showed her consistency, and allowed her to be a vulnerable woman. Lori finished her coaching with a boyfriend - a thought she couldn't even fathom three months before.
53-Year-Old Widow Hasn't Dated in 20 Years, Immediately Finds Happiness
Women starting over
Lynn is a 53-year-old lawyer in Florida who married an older man. They had a solid 20 year marriage before he passed away, leaving her an estate and 5 grown kids. With lots of time and a strong desire to do things right, Lynn decided to prioritize this aspect of her life and brought me on to guide her. She was one of the best clients I've ever worked with. Everything I offered, she absorbed like a sponge. Every week, she came prepared with questions. Every session, we had new breakthroughs and great stories to share. Not surprisingly, our coaching sessions went like clockwork. True to form, Lynn had mastered online dating within 4 weeks. She got momentarily excited about one guy, who disappointed her, but she bounced back and immediately focused on the new possibilities in her life. She let go of the idea that each first date meant a relationship, she put aside the concept that strong chemistry means strong compatibility, and she especially embraced one concept that I favor: distinguishing between wants and needs. Lynn and I, in our 8th week of coaching, did an exercise, distinguishing her wants from her needs. It hit her like a bolt of lightning - she'd spent most of her life chasing the wrong qualities in men. Yes, even her husband! Armed with this new information, she initiated contact with a new man online who had a well-written profile that addressed her newly identified "needs". It was a perfect fit. By week 11, Lynn told me that she didn't think she needed to complete her coaching, because her new boyfriend just left her house that morning. Lynn is a perfect example of a smart, successful woman who decided to make different choices with her life, and is thrilled that she was open to the process.
Highly Motivated 29-Year-Old Los Angeles Persian Woman Wants Marriage and Finds It
Women seeking a relationship
When Jen contacted me, I was immediately struck by how different she was from my usual clients. This isn't a good or a bad thing - just an observation. Generally, women reach out to me when they're feeling low, when they're disempowered or negative or confused. They come to me after years of putting career and family first and love second. Jen was nothing like that. She was attractive, 29, successful, kind and generous - the type of woman who sends thank you cards to acquaintances just because she feels like it. Women like this tend to have the dating world at their feet - they can date younger or older - all the options in the world are available to them. So why did Jen feel she needed a dating coach? She explained it was because she comes from an insular Persian community where it's hard to meet new people, and because wasn't very happy with the men she was attracting online. That was an easy fix. After we relaunched her profile, Jen had literally 85 responses within the first 24 hours. Then, the bigger question arose - what to do about all of these men? In only four weeks, I provided Jen the tools to distinguish between good men and bad men, and gave her a working paradigm of what she should be looking for in a partner. Jen is now happily married and annually sends me a thank you note for helping guide her to her true love.
73-year-old Academic Woman Defies The Odds, Finds A Boyfriend
Women seeking a relationship
Violet came to me in early 2009. She has always put her career first, and, as a result, she hasn't had a successful relationship with a man. But as she was facing the rest of her life alone, she decided that something had to change. Violet knew the statistics - that there are 3x more single women over the age of 65 than single men, that older single men don't stay single for long, and that many of them unfairly discriminate by age. These are unfortunate, and indisputable facts. All Violet and I could do was to make the best of her circumstances. It was slow going. Even with a profile makeover and professional photo shoot, the volume of men available to Violet, even in the SF Bay Area, wasn't enormous. But I'd prepared her for exactly what to expect from the process, so that her perceived "failures" didn't derail her. Each week, for 8 straight weeks, Violet came back to me with incremental improvement. I'd introduced her to a whole new world, where she was responsible for creating opportunity in love. And while she didn't yet find love, she was enjoying the process - flirting with strangers, talking on the phone, meeting out for walks in the park. The mere possibility of love was enough to keep her going. Within two months of signing up with me, Violet had a better love life than she had in years, which, to me, is a success story. But you probably want a more traditional success story, so here goes: One month after we finished coaching, Violet emailed me that, much to her surprise, she had a boyfriend and was pulling her profile off of Match.com. She gives me credit, but, in truth, she's the one who had to do all the hard work to make it happen. I'm proud that she did.
40-Year Old Woman with a Wheelchair Has a Baby Before She's 42.
Women newly dating
Meredith came to me with great skepticism. And who could blame her? She was 40 years old, wanted to start her own family, marry a Jewish man, and find a guy who was as smart and successful as she was. And as a high powered executive, there were few men who even qualified for a date with her. There was one other wrinkle, however: Meredith was in a wheelchair. She was paralyzed in her teens and hadn't dated for nearly twenty years as she built up her career. She was asking me, in earnest, if I thought I could help her. I told Meredith the truth: it would be a challenge, but we would do our best to make the most of what she had. Maybe I wouldn't be able to make men suddenly want to date women in wheelchairs, but if they were open to the possibility, I'd make her an irresistible force. Two weeks later, we launched her online. Called her HellOnWheels. Talked about her great biceps from wheeling her chair, and how she always gets primo parking spots. 15 responses rolled in from men in the next week. Right then, Meredith called me to say that this was the best investment she'd ever made. For the first time in recent memory, she had HOPE. But it didn't stop there. Meredith wasn't just compelling online - she was a delight in real life. And the second man she dated turned out to be the father of her future baby. I can't take credit for how lucky Meredith got; I am proud to have given her a push in the right direction.
Finding Love For the First Time at 52
Women seeking a relationship
Nora came to me after I'd helped her sister find love the previous year. She was in her early 50's, inexperienced with dating, and hadn't had a relationship of any sort for years. Additionally, she was somewhat shy and awkward, and putting herself out there in a pro-active effort to find love might prove to be insurmountable. Nora, however, turned out to be an incredible student. She had a lot going for her, but she simply didn't know how to market herself successfully on JDate. Suddenly, she was receiving a lot of attention and dating prolifically. This created a new dilemma, since Nora hadn't had much experience with men. She learned pretty quickly that the most impressive guy online might not be that great in real life; and sometimes there are men who are diamonds in the rough, who are worth a first date. Within two months, Nora found herself a boyfriend. And she stayed with him for six months in a solid, successful relationship, until she decided he wasn't going to be the man she married. My favorite part of the story is what happened next. Instead of being distraught that she was single once again, Nora recalled the work we did together. She immediately dusted herself off, swapped out a new photo, jazzed up her profile, and initiated contact with a new crop of men on the dating site. A month later, she had a new boyfriend...and this one stuck. She got married in October of 2008, nearly 2 years after we'd started our coaching, and 3 years after I'd helped her sister find love. And it's because SHE did it herself; she learned a lesson and she kept on applying it.