Should You Hold Out for a 10...or Marry the 7?

By

Should You Hold Out for a 10...or Marry the 7?

He’s probably just not that into you.

In fact, he’s probably more into himself.

That means he’s going to be a workaholic – that’s what made him a millionaire.

He’s probably going to be arrogant and stubborn – that’s what happens when you’re a success at everything you do.

He’s probably going to be vain – that’s what happens when you’re told how gorgeous you are.

He’s probably going to be a player – that’s what happens when you have the ability to pick and choose your dates at will.

He’s probably going to be a commitmentphobe – why settle down when you can continue to date a variety of smokin’ hot 10's?

And so, you never really GET George Clooney. Or James Bond. Or that guy you’re lusting over right now. You’re just renting him. And you’re merely overlooking his considerable flaws because of how hot he is.

Guys do the same thing with women, I assure you. The most tempestuous relationship I ever had was also with the hottest woman I ever dated – so hot that she had to hide her profile on Match.com to stem the tide of emails. I held on for four months of hot sex and bragging rights – mixed in with innumerable times of being insulted, emotionally abused, and left at restaurants, parties and weddings. Why did I put up with it? Because she was a 10. And because when she wasn’t acting crazy, she was actually a good girlfriend.

The key is to break the cycle. Stop chasing looks first. Yes, attraction matters, but seriously, it’s a short term high. You’re looking for a relationship to endure for 30 years. You want to spend 30 years walking on eggshells because the hot guy or girl is being selfish or doesn’t let you know where you stand? Go ahead.

But if you want to find something healthy and enduring – and STILL have great sex – try going for a 7 in looks and a 10 in every other area. Kindness, warmth, intelligence, wit, consistency, effort, generosity. These are the things that matter when you’re 50 – far more than whether your partner holds up next to a 26-year-old Maxim or GQ model.

It’s easy to say you’ll never compromise, you’ll never settle, and you’re going to be the one who finds the “perfect 10 – the Rhodes Scholar/ Supermodel/Top Chef. Good luck with that.

Most 10's never develop the life skills that average folks do – which is why, on the whole, they’re not going to be as loyal or thoughtful or empathetic. If that’s okay by you, because, hey, you just can’t help what you’re attracted to, then I wish you good luck.

Just don’t be too surprised if everyone else “compromises” their way into a fulfilling relationship while you keep chasing a dream that never has a happy ending.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Evan Marc Katz

Dating Coach

Evan Marc Katz, Dating Coach for Smart, Strong, Successful Women and Your Personal Trainer for Love. Go to my website and get my free eBook: "The 5 Massive Mistakes You're Definitely Making in Your Love Life - And How to Turn Them Around Instantly!"

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Evan Marc Katz:

Why Online Dating Works: A Rebuttal

By

If you're a card-toting, New York Times-reading liberal, like I am you probably get as upset as I do when the GOP spends all its energy trying to repeal Obamacare, based on fictional tropes like "death panels". While Obamacare is an imperfect act, the major ideas behind it are to get 30 million more people affordable health care, and to prevent ... Read more

Online Dating? Make Sure You're On The Same Page

By

You've read all of the dating tips. You put your profile online. You weed out the creepy guys, the poor spellers, the stalkers, the old men, the guys who winked and the guys who give their phone number in the first email. Naturally, you're left with a small core of decent men. You write back to a few. You flirt. You exchange private emails. You talk on ... Read more

Why You Should Date Your Complement, Not Your Clone

By

**Don't miss your chance to chat with Evan on the YourTango Facebook page this Thursday, October 6th at 2pm ET. Find out more about the event and RSVP here!** Once upon a time, I received a phone call from an entrepreneur who told me that she was going to build the best online dating site ever: Fuego Connect. The problem with dating sites, she ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular