Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

How To Tell If A Guy Likes You

Photo: weheartit
how to know if a guy likes you
Contributor
Love

It's just one tiny detail.

I have a basic philosophy for women who are dating and wondering how to know if a guy likes you. It's called mirroring. Basically, it means you don't do anything unless he does it first. You don't call. You don't text. You don't make plans. If he doesn't make an effort, that just means he's not very motivated to be your partner. Case closed.

Frankly, I find mirroring to be close to foolproof. But nothing in life is perfect. It's entirely possible that you can "do nothing" (as I advocate), and the man pulls away, saying, "You don't make enough of an effort for me". Is that possible? Sure. But that doesn't mean that you should stop mirroring.

Let’s say you wanted to lose 10 pounds. You’ve read every diet book and every woman’s magazine under the sun and conclude that the simplest way to go about this would be to: eat smaller portions, eat healthier foods, and get to the gym three times a week for cardio. You do exactly that.

For one month, you’re a dieting machine (with the occasional dark chocolate and red wine indulgence, of course). To measure your progress, you get on the scale. You weigh the exact same thing that you did four weeks ago.

Does this mean that you shouldn't eat smaller, healthier portions and hit the treadmill regularly? Of course not. It might mean that there’s something else you can tweak, but the basic principles of dieting remain true, regardless of their results.

Mirroring a man’s efforts isn’t nearly as scientific as dieting, but I think it’s pretty hard to contradict this principle: Men do what they want to do.

If he wants to call you, he’ll call you. If he wants to see you, he’ll see you. If he wants to commit to you, he’ll commit to you. And if he doesn’t do all of those things, he’s not really a suitable boyfriend, is he?

Furthermore, the men who need YOU to call THEM are pretty much like women themselves. Any guy who sends a text to tell you that he doesn’t hear from you enough and it must be over isn't much of a man.

I dated my wife for a year and a half before proposing and I don’t think she initiated contact with me once in that time. It’s not because she was playing games. It’s because she knew that if I wanted to talk to her, I’d call her.

You may not have the fortitude to really trust that a guy WILL make the effort for them, so you try to manipulate it subtly: “Hey, I’ve got tickets to the Dodgers on Sunday. Wanna go?” “Haven’t heard from you in awhile. Is everything okay at work?”

The cold, hard truth is that you shouldn’t HAVE to do anything to remind him that you exist. He knows you exist. And if he’s not making every effort for you, there’s really not much to interpret.

Sure, you can go back to pursuing feminine men who are apparently too busy/lazy/afraid to say things like “So, what are you doing Saturday?” But where would that leave you? Powerless. Because you don’t know if he’s going out with you because he wants you or because he’s just filling time.

When you don’t do anything, you very quickly figure out where you stand with a guy. Of course, there will be some exceptions to this rule.

Only you can decide when to apply the rules and when to waive them to figure out how to know if a guy likes you. But make no mistake: when we’re hungry, we eat. When we’re tired, we sleep. When we’re interested, we call. It ain’t that complex.

And if a passive guy is making excuses and claiming to be hurt that you didn’t pursue him, well boohoo for him. He’ll find a woman that’s more man than he is, and you’ll be free to find a man who actually knows that it’s his role to pursue you.

 

Author
Contributor

Expert advice

Save your breath because you only need two words to make him commit.
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
It seems like you can't do anything right.
Contributor