User has no Questions

• Wow, 17! You've already faced a great deal of challenges and you are just getting started in life. It's tough because on the one hand you are very young and it sounds like your boyfriend has he own set of issues that he is bringing to the relationship- both financial and emotional but it also sounds like you have had to be very mature and handle a great deal of adult responsibility. I am not minimizing your wisdom and experience or saying you're too young to be with him, you have obviously had a long relationship together already but I am concerned about the age difference and the challenges that it may create. I think its worth it for you to consider if it plays a role in your relationship. Without meeting you or understanding your entire history I can't possibly give you a definitive answer to your questions but I'll try to at least give some perspective on the issues you mentioned. The one piece of advice that I will give you is to find a therapist or mentor in your area. You seem to be a thoughtful young woman and with the support of a therapist or other advocate I think that you can create the kind of healthy and fulfilling relationship (and life) that you seem to be seeking. They can also help with any family issues that you may have to face (I am guessing there are some challenges with your parents/family if you found yourself homeless at 16). As for some of the other things you mentioned here are some things to think about: "He's unemotional/sees people as objects"- sounds like he has had some negative relationships early in his life and has difficulty connecting emotionally. This is something that you can not fix for him. I believe that just about everyone has the capacity to love and be loved, unfortunately sometimes our life's circumstances don't give us the skills necessary for that. I often tell young couples that sometimes its not that the other person doesn't love you but that they can't love you the way you deserve to be loved right now. You mentioned that he said he is starting to care about you and he sees you as a person and "for him" that is a big compliment. I can't help but wonder if that really feels like a compliment for you. Don't sell yourself short and settle for the best he can do if you are capable of loving more completely. If he chooses to work on his issues, they can improve and he can begin to engage more fully in a relationship but depending on his history that can take a lot of hard work and time. This may be another issue worth exploring with a counselor either individually or as a couple. "He slept with two other girls"- you mentioned that you were not in a committed relationship at the time but there may still be issues of trust for you two to sort out. You also want to make sure that you are always practicing safe sex- love does not mean risking your health and that should be a priority for both of you. "He owes the landlord money"- dont let his debts become your financial burden too. We all want to support and help our significant others but I would encourage you to take care of your needs first, then if you are able to help and would like to you can. Sometimes the best help is to point the person in the direction of a professional help. maybe there's a debt agency or other financial support that can help him. I know that finding a counselor or mentor can be a challenge especially if you dont have insurance or don't have a lot of disposable income but there are community resources. Try your community service board or social service agency, call free clinics and women's shelters for low-cost referrals and even the local colleges (if they offer a counseling program) may have a low-cost or free therapy clinic that you can go to. You may even find a therapist here on ProConnect willing to give you a free consultation in your area. As you mentioned, there are a lot of complicated issues here but the fact that you are looking for help is a great start. Don't stop working on making your situation better and healthier. Talk openly with your boyfriend about your concerns and your desire to make things better. If he is open to change then you can pursue finding help together. SEE MORE

  POSTED ON: Insecurities (please help ...

No comments