Second, get physical: start Kegeling together!
If you aren't familiar with Kegel exercises, now's the time to get familiar. Kegels are a set of exercises that strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. Kegel exercises are highly recommended for both men and women. They will strengthen your orgasms and make it easier for you to have them, while making it easier for him to delay ejaculation. (They have many other amazing benefits, as well).
So get to kegeling. Make it a game, and you'll both win! If you aren't sure what your PC muscles feel like, explore them together. Press into his perineum (that space between his testicles and his bum) with your middle two fingers. As you do so, ask him to try to contract the muscle under your fingers, if you feel it suddenly get harder and contract under your fingers, he's got it.
Pressing there will also make it easier for him to locate the muscles and be able to tell when he's contracted them. To get started, simply have him squeeze and release the muscle 25 times. That's it.
While this won’t help his premature ejaculation, it can be a lot of fun and increase your sexual pleasure in the process, so hey, why not? He can push his fingers either into that space between your vagina and your anus, while you contract, or even better, place a finger or two (or something else!) inside of your vagina while you practice squeezing around it. Same set of muscles and a whole lot more fun! Again, 25 squeezes and releases and you're on your way.
Do these exercises daily over the course of this challenge, increasing the number of kegels that you do by 5 every few days, and you will both begin to see the effects.
Third, Slow down and breathe.
If sex for you is a race to the finish line, don't be surprised when he keeps coming out ahead. Slow down. Then slow down some more. Even more. In fact, you can even play with sitting on top of him, with his penis inside of you and not move at all. Simply enjoy the sensation and closeness of your bodies enmeshed in this way, and explore slow, deep breathing together.
When men start to get aroused there is a tendency to start breathing more shallowly and more quickly (or even stop breathing entirely!), at the same time the muscles start to tense up. All of these things actually help rapidly send him towards ejaculation, and he may not even realize he's doing it.
By taking control on top, you can encourage him to relax his body when you notice it tensing, as well as help him bring attention to his breathing patterns and simply enjoy these slow, deep inhales and exhales. As you bring in more movement, maintain the slow, deep breathing patterns and continue to help him relax his body if it starts to tense up.
To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.
Right now, I want you to:
Make a commitment to yourself and your partner to work on this for the next 3 months. Change takes time and while you can see exciting results very quickly, some of this work will require that you both are patient. Decide today that you're committing to seeing this through and don't put undue pressure on yourself or your partner to fix this overnight.
Within 7 days I want you to:
Identify the sexual exchanges you have that are most likely to lead to premature ejaculation and those that do not. Are there acts that can feel sabotaging whenever you try them? Are there any that lead to feeling connected without feeling pressured? Add those positive interchanges to your regular activities to help support feeling connected in a relaxed way.
By the end of the challenge I want you to:
Create a plan for regular pleasurable connection that is not tied to an orgasm. Consider foreplay, massage and forms of non-sexual touch that are pleasurable and allow you to feel connected. Think through what works for you both and identify any surprising situations where you feel deeply connected with little pressure.