Eric Amaranth gives an example from his work where relationship coaching joined sex coaching.
By Eric Amaranth — Written on Jan 04, 2012
While it's true that the largest portion of sex life coaching that Betty and I do for our clients surrounds the exciting subject materials, we also are there to coach clients through relationship issues as they pertain to their shared sex life.
This is a blog on my most recent session with a couples client we'll call, "Judy and Keith." They gave me permission to discuss these specific sections of their coaching.
The two of them began their sex life coaching with me with a range of goals and interests. Among them, Judy wanted to have more and easier orgasms with Keith during oral and manual sex and also during intercourse. Keith loves the thrills with being a part of making female orgasms happen, but found along with Judy that his present skill set when combined with hers and the dynamics of how their relationship intertwined with their sex together made that a challenge. They'd had 7 sessions with me before the one I'll describe, so a lot of great and interesting things had already happened.
The 8th session was with just me and Keith on Skype together. I opened the session by asking him what was new since our last session. On the celebration side, he said Judy had her first and faster orgasm with him from oral sex when done with a combination of techniques and principles I'd given them. I was really happy and asked if there were any challenges. Keith said yes. They'd had a session of missionary sex where Judy was extra hot and gorgeous, which made Keith come very hard, but faster than he'd like. Not instantly, but sooner than what hed been practicing his come control skills to achieve. Because it was an especially strong orgasm, his oxytocin hormone rush hit him hard. Keith rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling in wonder/bliss, and started thinking quietly on what he'd done to go off so soon, how good it was, how beautiful and hot his wife of 10+ years looked, and what to do next. Judy suddenly hissed that it looked to her like things were going back to the old ways. She rolled over onto her side and faced away from here, not interested in hearing anything more.
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I said to Keith that moments like that can happen in either couple because the brain works more much more often out of habit than it does an on or off switch. Although it doesn't happen with everyone, his unintentional action had triggered her brain to send off alarms that he wasn't changing and just using the situation and sex life coaching for his benefit. Keith fully intended to continue as I said, but Judy didn't know that before her trigger went off. I told him some other things to tell Judy from me and to bear in mind for himself. A key principle to keep in mind is many couples that work with me undergo a pivotal change in life and have to put the old issues aside, team up, and let the process and new pleasures reshape and let fall away many of the relationship rough spots. Mistakes will be made on both sides and that is a natural part of it all. Then I instructed him on how to not make the same mistake again, plus what to do that would be hot and also reassuring for her if he has his orgasm much earlier than she has hers. The advice worked and they haven't had a recurrence of this issue.
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Keith liked the new info and I also taught him a new sex position, "side position", as shown here on D&R. This one helped Judy have two big orgasms during intercourse with Keith within five minutes of each other, which were her first with Keith. I'm always happy to hear about major successes from my clients and this was one that was especially well-received. Judy added some of her own style to the position, saying it's even hotter for her to do it with her head and shoulders off the side of the bed I'm very happy for Judy and Keith and they are happy to have more sophisticated and showstopping skills for their new married life together.
This article was originally published at Sex Life Coach NYC.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.