Step 3: Direct Connection & Ringing Her Bell
Ideally, I like it when men have clean hands before touching her directly. Women can get painful urinary tract infections from unclean hands (or other body part). Washing or disinfecting isn't always possible in the heat of the moment, but if you can, go to the bathroom for a hand scrub before you get to this intimate moment.
Once her panties are gone, or you're inside them, her natural slickness will help you a great deal when your fingers start touching her bell directly. If she isn't as wet as would be ideal, that's OK because you're an amazing lover and have a small bottle of organic, water-based lubricant in your jacket pocket, just in case, right? Lube should be there right alongside your condoms, gentlemen. Start on top of her bell, with everything nice and wet.
There are many techniques, but one good way to start is one is circling her bell with two or three fingers held together. The most sensitive part of her bell is at the bottom—her clitoral glans. On some women it's completely covered by the "hood;" on other women it's more exposed. (Again, reference a self-help book or Wikipedia to understand the various parts of female anatomy.) After you've stroked the hood for a bit you can move to direct contact with the bell, and include it in your circular stroke more or less prominently, depending on what type of touch she seems to like.
Speed up your circles a little, and stop kissing her. Tell her to feel those good feelings. That helps her focus on the sensation, which will help her reach orgasm. Stare with fiery intention into her eyes while you keep your hand going. If you're comfortable doing so, talk dirty to her.
Ask her in a whisper if she wants anything to change. That gives her permission to communicate in the heat of the moment. Keep your technique steady. If it feels incredible to her, don't change anything even if she says she's going to come. A sudden change, like doing it harder because you're consumed with desire, often throws her off.
While she's orgasming, keep the stimulation the same for the first four seconds, then reduce dramatically and continuously, but don't stop unless she pushes your hand away or motions for you to do so, which means you just have to slow down sooner next time. That's part of getting to know her body over time and one of the many advantages to a long-term relationship.
To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.
Right now, I want you to:
If you're in a relationship, make a date to practice "ringing your partner's bell." Whether or not you have a partner, visualize yourself doing what I've described. Visualizing will help a lot when it's time for the real thing.
Within 7 days I want you to:
If you have a partner, practice together. Ask her if it feels good and see if she knows what would make it better. It's very good for couples to discuss what feels good and what doesn't. By the end of the week you should have a better idea of what her preferences are.
By the end of the challenge I want you to:
Learn to stay steady. Don't change when it's working, and pay attention to her cues, like flexing her toes or making sexy sounds. Listen, and let her guide you—or take full control if that's what she wants.