Eric Amaranth, sex coach, details what he defines as safe sex, safer, and safest sex.
I have been interested in hot safe sex since the beginning of my sex life. I've always cared deeply for the women I'm with's peace of mind during and after having sex with me as much as my own.
Twice I've sealed the erotic deal because I was ready with condoms, lube, and an honest attitude. They could feel that I was the real thing, telling the truth, and not one of those jackasses who pull off the condom in the middle of it or right before they orgasm inside her.
Here are my methods for safe, safer, and super-safe sex:
Safe Sex: I want to start out by mentioning a step for safe sex that's forgotten all the time before sex even begins. Taking a shower and washing your hands properly. It's possible to transmit bacteria and viruses from mostly your hands and sometimes the body without first scrubbing up. That means wash hands up to the wrists in warm water and soap worked into a lather for 15 seconds and have a brush available for cleaning under your fingernails. If you are not planning on using gloves, this is especially important.
I recommend people go out and buy a little brush for scrubbing under fingernails before sex especially. Your fingers are going into all sorts of hot, sexy orifices. The owner of said orifices would be honored and protected with clean ones. Lathering up the penis is a good thing, as Martha Stewart would probably say, both for fun and sexual hygiene. Women can avoid a bout with a urinary tract infection or yeast overgrowth with that preventative measure. I think a shower together is great foreplay too. Try it with candles lit outside on the bathroom sink. It's much sexier than the bathroom light.
If you've been at a club all night or even on a long date handling money, going to bathrooms several times, perspiring, maybe not having had a shower after work, then you've handled a lot of areas where you can pick up unwanted germs that have nothing to do with STD's. If you're in a hotel, throw off the blanket they provide you with because that doesn't get washed very often or if you plan on staying overnight, be cool and bring a fresh duvet from your place to cover the covers. Not always practical, but if it is, on romantic travel as a couple especially, it's worth mentioning. Oh, and we don't have bidets here in the states, so showering together and washing that little area nice and clean is smart, it feels amazing, plus it's very intimate.
Now, there's a post in my blog on advanced condom tips for men. Read that to learn strategies for optimizing pleasure received by the penis in spite of the condom use. For effective safe sex you need condoms that fit for the penis they're worn on, a man who pays attention to how the sensations on his penis feel (while thrusting inside her body) to monitor for possible condom roll off, one who grasps the base of the condom as he's heading to orgasm assuming he's going to ejaculate inside her with the condom still on. Then, right after that's over, pinches the base of the condom against his penis so that's secure while he's kissing her and after glowing, but before his penis starts to return to flaccid state. Like they say on the condom instructions, hold onto the condom while withdrawing from her, go to the bathroom, and remove the condom and wash hands and penis in soap and cold water. Sperm hate cold temps. Under a tub faucet if you can, sink if necessary.
Crouching in front of a tub faucet or taking a shower is more thorough. If you don't have a bathroom, roll to your back and make it clear you're keeping your sperm-laden parts clear of her body. She can cuddle you closely on her side. After you clean up, return to bed and grab your underwear and put them back on because a fair amount of semen can leak from the softened penis that didn't ejaculate all the way out. If things get frisky again, she may get her hands in that, or you will, and sperm-slicked hands could go into her vagina. The underwear will keep the two of you aware of that and all you have to do is wait a little while for all the sperm to come out or she can suckle the soft penis and work the underside of the shaft where the urethra runs to get all the semen out before resuming more play.
That's assuming she's okay with semen in her mouth. That's not safe sex. All unprotected oral sex is including fingers that were in or on genitals that go into a mouth or other orifice. Semen is not the only vehicle for transmission. Vaginal fluids are as well, and, so is mere skin contact with someone's genitals or mouth. That brings us to safer sex and HPV.
Safer Sex: HPV is spread by skin to skin contact. The virus sets up shop on the skin's surface, as I mentioned in my two-part blog on my HPV-related cancer scare, which is also posted here on yourtango. I've mentioned before in previous blogs my practice of using elastomer cock rings around the base of my penis (where the penis shaft meets the torso) but wrapped neatly around the base of the condom. A properly fitting cock ring makes my penis extra fat and hard for my hottie's pleasure and more importantly holds the condom securely in place along the full length of my penis shaft. No more having to worry about: is the condom slipping down, is it okay to come in her when the time's nigh, and no problem with letting my penis contract back to regular size and still be inside her vagina or bum, letting it pop pleasantly out of her naturally with a giggle from