You might be thinking,
Oh yes! I am open and have so much to give! And I sure am ready for someone to love me!
More from YourTango: Are You A People Pleaser? How To Tell & What To Do
But are you really ready? You see, it’s not that simple. The reason that so many relationships fail is that people haven’t done the work of getting ready by cleaning up and clearing out the past.
If you find yourself repeating patterns in your relationships, you’re not ready.
If you find yourself dating or attracting the same ‘type’ of person again and again, you’re not ready.
If you don’t believe that you are worthy of your ideal partner who will deeply love and value you, you’re not ready.
If you are still holding on to anger or resentments from the past, then you are definitely not ready!
So why focus on the past? Why not just let go and move on? Well actually, that is exactly what you need to do. But it isn’t done by saying, “I’ve let go”. It isn’t done until you take responsibility for every part of your past that you helped to create. Yes, you. That does not mean that the other person wasn’t nasty or selfish or immature or maybe even evil! But you don’t need to take responsibility for their part. As a matter of fact, that is part of the problem. You are paying too much attention to their part. Any area where you still hold energy around ‘their part’, you are staying stuck.
So how do you let go so you can be ready? There are two important tasks that you can take on. I’ll address the first one here, and the second one next time.
First, make a list of every person you have resentment toward and list every single thing you resent them for. Katherine Woodward Thomas says it best in her book, Calling in the One:
"Realize that you are only resentful to the extent that you have given awa your personal power. If you are in full possession of your person power, you can afford to be generous when someone else is behaving poorly. It’s only when you don’t own your power fully that it shows up as resentment."
Letting go of old resentments allows us to reclaim our personal power and take complete responsibility for our lives.
Next write down every way you contributed to the outcome you resent that person for. Now you are not saying that it’s your fault. You are looking at yourself to learn so you can be ready for love. The opposite of resentment is acceptance. Sometimes we have to accept the losses involved in our past. And sometimes that involves accepting how we contributed to causing our pain.
You will know that you are ‘done’ with past relationships when you don’t have energy around them anymore. And that is the space that opens up for love to come in.
I used to love that song by Bad Company in 1974. We can use these lyrics as a guide for this journey:
More from YourTango: Do You Play the Blame Game?
Now I'm on my feet again,
Better things are bound to happen,
All my dues surely must be paid,
Many miles and many tears,
Times were hard, but now they're changing,
You should know that I'm not afraid,
Next time I will discuss another important task in clearing out the past to get ready for love; looking at your ‘love stories’. These are your beliefs about yourself in relation to love and partnering.