You don't NEED him anymore. *middle fingers WAY up*
Moving on and getting over a breakup is truly one of the most difficult things that anyone ever goes through. It’s easy for people to say “you’re better off” as you try to erase the memory of him — but when you’re hurting that can sound frustratingly simple.
That being said, here are some really important steps to moving on after your breakup so you can reclaim your happiness for GOOD:
1. Break ALL remaining ties to your ex.
Cutting ties with your ex is the SINGLE most IMPORTANT thing you can do to get over him for good. Keeping him around will keep you solidly stuck in the past, so ending contact with is key to giving yourself the closure you need after your breakup.
If you have a business or kids with your ex, obviously these are shared responsibilities that remain (whether or not you try to cut ties). Try your best to minimize contact that doesn’t revolve around your children or business.
If you have a tendency to dwell on interactions with your ex, distract yourself as much as you can before and after meeting up to drop off the kids or handle business. Reward yourself for handling things as civilly as possible.
2. Save the friendship for later.
Just like in grade school, keep your eyes on your OWN work. One major way people sabotage themselves after a breakup is trying to stay friends with their ex. It sounds mean to say “thanks, but no thanks” to a friendship with someone you spent SO much time with, but when you’re hurting, trying to keep them in your life is one of the worst things you can do for yourself.
If you still really want this person in your life, you can reconnect with them (much) later — once you’ve both truly moved on from your failed romance.
3. Stop monitoring what your ex is doing (or WHO).
Sometimes the only way that someone feels like they truly are forced to move on is facing that their ex has gotten serious with someone new. It’s as though the unfortunate reality that the relationship is over only dawns on them the second that their ex gets engaged or married to someone else.
The problem is that this is just another way that people stay stuck.
The best way to gain the emotional space you need is to break the remaining ties with your ex. If he's out of your life, make sure you're not still up to date on HIS.
4. Start dating.
Dipping your toe into the dating pool is an essential step in moving on from a failed relationship. So many people delay dating other people, thinking “I’m not ready” or “maybe I’ll get back together with my ex.” The problem is that both mentalities keep you stuck because you’re still living in the past.
Dating is simply a natural part of moving past a breakup. Meeting new people and trying to make new friends is enough to give you some serious perspective and help you start creating a new life — without your ex.
5. Stop comparing your new relationships to your old one.
Say you’ve done the rest of these steps to moving on. You’ve cut ties, deleted them from social media and started dating. One way that people keep the pain of their breakup alive is that they compare all potential new relationships to the one with their ex.
Comparing new people to your memory of your relationship with your ex isn’t fair to you or anyone you start dating post-breakup. Unless you had a truly terrible relationship, you haven’t made enough positive memories with someone new to really compare a relationship to a serious ex, so by not comparing, you’re actually giving someone else the chance to win your heart.
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This article was originally published at Digital Romance Inc. Reprinted with permission from the author.