If you’re single and looking for the RIGHT person in your life, this is for you.
Standards and hard work. These are the two dueling forces that, when harnessed correctly, will get you anything you want in your life — love included.
Standards And Love
Having standards when it comes to love isn’t simply expecting that things will go a certain way. Rather, it’s focused attention on what you really WANT and then making the effort to change (or get rid of) anything that doesn’t meet your standards.
When we focus our standards on the relationship we want, we shut out other options. If you decide to exclusively spend your time on worthwhile people and pursuits, you'll attract more of those kinds of people.
Quality Begets Quality
This works in reverse when you lower your standards. When you decide you’re not valuable, settle or convince yourself there aren’t any good people out there to date, you attract exactly that — experiences that reinforce your belief.
Having standards includes clearing up exactly what you want in a partner. Some experts say to toss your “list”. I, however, completely disagree. Without a roadmap, how are you going to get where you want to go?
I think these experts recommend throwing out your list because it leads to self-sabotage. But in my experience, not having high enough standards is more often the real problem.
Sometimes people are afraid to even make a list of what they want in a partner because they think that it limits their possibilities or that it seems like they’re somehow “trying too hard”. However, knowing what you want in order to recognize it when it shows up is not “trying too hard”.
You Can't Magically Meet "The One"
This idea that you’ll magically meet “The One” and fall happily into a state of bliss with them has resulted in legions of bad relationships. No, you can’t force someone to love you. But you CAN get out there, make the effort to meet people, put yourself in the right place at the right time, fix yourself up and get yourself ready to attract love.
All of that behind the scenes preparation doesn't happen by chance. It takes — GASP! — work. Like anything else in your life, a great relationship with the right person for you doesn’t happen by chance.
So why do people say that love, if it's right, isn't work? Because most people work at the completely wrong things. They work at trying to make the wrong relationship work, forcing attraction and getting the wrong people's attention (while ignoring those who would treat them great).
The wrong work is a recipe for disaster because the things on that list come from a place of lack. Not enough attraction. Not enough love. Not ENOUGH. And if you’re in a place of not enough, guess what you’ll get more of?
The truth is, most lovebirds report that they feel like real love flows awesomely once it happens, but to get to that point where the magic can happen in the first place, it’s easy to gloss over the real work it took to get there in the first place:
- Time, effort and money spent on dating.
- Emotional work to get over one’s childhood, failed relationships and heartbreak of all shapes and sizes.
- Positivity in the face of rejection.
- The effort to prevent a past lover’s bizarre, abusive or otherwise bad behavior interfere with the new relationship.
- The time and effort it takes to learn when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em.
- Getting over every bad experience with dating since your first crush.
- Growing your self worth to the point that it includes a good relationship in the first place.
- The effort (anyone who says it’s easy is full of it) it takes as a good partner to not sabotage the whole thing when the right person shows up.
When you look at it like that, more goes into love than it seems on the surface. That’s why it’s so great that you’re here, trying to read and learn more. Learning about love makes it happen faster AND smoother.
So the next time that you’re feeling down about what’s going on in the land of relationships, keep this in mind: In order to get here, where you’re undoubtedly having breakthroughs and realizations, you HAD to go through the rest and learn from it.
So get out there and don’t quit until you get what you want. When you’re committed to raising your standards and doing the work, it’ll happen.
You’re deserving. You’re ready. The time is now.
Do the men you like pull away and disappear on you? Find out why this happens and what you can do about it with a copy of my book, Why Men Lose Interest and daily (almost) email series. Elizabeth Stone is an author committed to helping you make your love life the absolute best it can be.
This article was originally published at Digital Romance Inc. Reprinted with permission from the author.