"That's me, an over-eating candy bar addict! If I date a functional man I can literally feel the walls closing in around me ... I secretly love unavailable men. I love to look like the good one dating the mess. That way when things fall apart no one blames me. Also, you can't fear having the rug pulled out from you when there is no rug."
What are signs you are dating a candy bar? While inconsistency, cruelty or unavailability are obvious signs, the best way to determine for sure is to write down the five qualities that are most important to you in a partner. Then think about the last five people you dated. Highlight the qualities you claim to be important that are not present in those you dated. The greater number of these qualities that are lacking, the greater likelihood that you are dating candy bars.
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If you discover you tend to choose candy bars over apples, keep in mind you are therefore playing an active role in your unsatisfactory relationships. Choosing an unsuitable partner can be just as destructive as being an unsuitable partner. If you own your part in the problematic pattern, you can begin to practice dating apples and slowly train yourself to adjust to a new and healthier dating diet.
I say "train" intentionally as making any significant change — diet or otherwise — involves hard work, commitment, discomfort and persistence that is similar to training for a marathon. Apples might taste strange at first, but if you stick with it and push through the discomfort, you will notice, with time and hard work, that you will begin to crave them. Before you know it, you will want to delete candy bars from you diet. Good riddance!
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Want to read more about candy bars and apples? There's a full chapter devoted to this concept in my book, "Overcoming Your Parents' Divorce." Visit www.elisabethlamotte.com to learn more or follow @elisjoy.