Should You Settle for What You Can Get?


Should You Settle for What You Can Get?
Sex and the Psychological City; What the girls taught us about when and whether to settle!

What's wonderful and psychologically compelling about this episode is the exploration of the relationship between a woman's ability to satisfy herself and the challenge of finding a satisfying relationship. Regardless of who loves whom more, the chances of finding a fulfilling romantic relationship are ultimately better if you know how to take care of yourself, meet your own needs, and be satisfied -- physically, emotionally and even sexually -- on your own. Charlotte's open mind and willingness to learn more about meeting her own sexual needs, and Samantha's open mind and willingness to give "the Turtle" a fair chance, are both worthwhile steps on the path to finding love. In other words, Charlotte is in a better position to find Mr. Right as she has learned more about meeting her own sexual needs. Samantha has fun with Turtle for a while, and demonstrates BOTH that it is worth giving someone a chance AND necessary to face facts if romantic feelings do not develop.

Having worked with many clients in search of love and life partners, I am stuck by the simple truth that once you are satisfied with yourself, you are better able to find and sustain a satisfying, loving romantic relationship. If you do not know how to meet your own physical needs, how can you expect someone else to meet them for you? Similarly, if you do not know how to be happy, is it realistic to expect that a relationship will bring you happiness? People who value themselves and take care of themselves are usually more open to giving nice, available, suitable partners a chance. Keeping an open mind can lead to finding love where you might least expect it. So, forget about keeping track of who loves whom more, but DO KEEP AN OPEN MIND! Keep your life interesting and full, take good care of yourself, and prioritize dating kind, interested people who have time for you.

Above all, if you want to get married someday, don't date someone who says that they do not! True, they may change their mind eventually, but they should come find you when and if they do. In the meantime, dating someone who does not want to marry if you do want to marry is the ultimate example of barking up the wrong tree. Consider Carrie's closing reflections about her Zen Master and his teachings:

My Zen Teacher said the only way to find true happiness is to live in the moment and not worry about the future...Of course, he died penniless and single.

Check back soon to discuss episode ten when the girlfriends attend The Baby Shower!

Connect with me at and follow @elisjoy



Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Elisabeth LaMotte


Social worker, psychotherapist, blogger and author of "Overcoming Your Parents' Divorce"

Location: Washington, DC
Credentials: LICSW, MFT, MSW
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Divorce/Divorce Prevention
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