Developing Feelings for Someone New?

By

Developing Feelings for Someone New?

There are many wonderful resources out there that can complement your efforts.  Read infidelity expert Dr. Shirley Glass' book NOT "Just Friends".  Read sexuality expert Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity and watch her TED talk.  Together with your spouse, complete the exercises in John Gottman's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.  Read Elizabeth Gilbert's comprehensive and engaging study on marriage: Committed: A Sceptic Makes Peace with Marriage.  Watch brilliant writer and director's Sarah Polley's spot-on film Take This Waltz.  (If your spouse is not aware of your feelings for someone else, watch this film privately.  Likewise with regard to the book NOT "Just Friends"!)  This may sound like a lot of effort, but anyone who has been through a divorce will tell you that the effort that goes into navigating the reality of divorce far outweighs the steps you can take to see if your marriage can be salvaged.

If both partners are willing to make the effort, your flirtatious experience with someone outside the the marriage can actually become a wake up call and a catalyst for tremendous change and improvement.  Many couples who have come close to the brink of divorce are able to find their way back to each other and feel stronger and closer because of that journey.  Unfortunately, not all marriages can be saved.  If this is the case, at least you will know, for the love of your family, that you tried.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Elisabeth LaMotte

Counselor/Therapist

Social worker, psychotherapist, blogger and author of "Overcoming Your Parents' Divorce"

Location: Washington, DC
Credentials: LICSW, MFT, MSW
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Divorce/Divorce Prevention
Other Articles/News by Elisabeth LaMotte:

A Therapist's Review Of 'Romantics Anonymous'

By

Most of us experience some form of social anxiety. We may feel nervous before a social gathering or slightly agitated during group activities. In the extreme, social anxiety compromises the ability to connect to another person in an intimate relationship. Jean-Pierre Ameris' 2010 French film, Les Emotifs Anonymous, is a comedic but meaningful study of what ... Read more

Robin Williams And Cinema Therapy

By

Cinema therapy is an aspect of psychotherapy that is gaining attention these days. This approach involves the therapist's suggestion of various films that relate to the issues the client wants to address. Film's power to help and to heal, and therefore complement that therapeutic process, may be one of the most interesting aspects of practicing ... Read more

How Our View Of Relationships And Breakups Changes As We Age

By

Intimate relationships are a primary focus in psychotherapy. Through therapy, people examine their closest relationships in order to determine what aspects of their approach to others work well for them, and what aspects of their approach they might want to change in order to form healthier attachments. In order to figure this out, it helps to look at current ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular