On Death & Loss: Lessons From "Downton Abbey"
By Elisabeth LaMotte. Posted on .
Another client recalled when her sister called to tell her that their father died in a car accident, and she insisted that her sister was mistaken and remprimanded her for making such a cruel joke. She was irreverent and adamant for hours that the news of her father's death was false. This client then had the exact same reaction, years later, when a friend broke the news that her college roomate was killed on Septebmer 11th. Again, she insisted that the information was false and was furious at her friend for playing a heartless joke on such a tragic day. Denial is a powerful mechanism, often most evident when people struggle to process tragedy.
When processing something as difficult as the loss of a loved one, there is obviously no specific way that people are "supposed to" grieve. Granny Violet's final words as the episode concludes are perhaps the most poignent:
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"When tragedies strike, we try to find someone to blame. In the absense of a suitable candidate, we usually blame ourselves...No one is to blame. Our darling Sybil has died during childbirth like so many women before her, and all we can do now is cherish her memory and cherish her child."
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