Can Women Have Sex Like Men?


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Based on my experience, for every Samantha, there are many more Charlottes who are not comfortable with this approach. But there are even more Carries and Mirandas who CAN have sex without emotional intimacy or commitment up to a point, but then, like it or not, feelings start to develop. Once the feelings develop, it becomes harder to proceed with the stereotypical masculine mindset they once enjoyed.

Why so few Samanthas? Maybe it is the way women are socialized? Or maybe it is something in the female biochemistry? Or something primal, related to differing gender roles with respect to reproduction.


My advice? If you think you might want to have sex like a man, think twice! Force yourself to imagine how you would feel if, the very same night you had sex with someone, you saw him kissing another woman in a night club. Would this scenario make you feel "free" and "potent"? Or would you feel hurt and used? Be honest. If you would struggle with this hypothetical but very possible scenario, then cheap and easy sex without emotional intimacy or commitment may not be for you.

For many women, like it or not, sex brings up feelings and once the feelings develop, it is INCREDIBLY hard to get rid of them.

In fact, sex brings up similar feelings for many men who may go along with "cheap" and "easy" sex simply because they feel societal pressure to do so. Men who would struggle seeing their sex partner kissing another should also think twice about having sex without commitment. More importantly, whether you have sex like a woman or sex like a man, use protection. Even if you successfully avoid having feelings for a one-night stander, you may find yourself stuck with extremely strong, lifelong feelings if it turns out that your sexual partner gets you pregnant or transmits an STD!

Sex and the City fun trivia fact: Carrie first meets Mr. Big during episode one immediately after she has sex like a man, leaves hex sex partner's apartment, and spills a purse full of ultra textured Trojans on the city sidewalk - and Mr. Big kneels down to help her collect them. So, in this instance, Carrie's "cheap and easy" "sex like a man" leads to some unintended long-term consequences!

Log in next week to discuss SATC episode two: "How Important is Beauty?"

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Elisabeth LaMotte


Social worker, psychotherapist, blogger and author of "Overcoming Your Parents' Divorce"

Location: Washington, DC
Credentials: LICSW, MFT, MSW
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Divorce/Divorce Prevention
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