There are times when your sweetheart is sick or gets injured. Depending upon the nature of the illness, it can become quite an emotional time.
How you handle yourself during this time can foster peace and healing or arguments and stress for both of you.
People respond to illness differently. Some withdraw into their shell, focusing all of their energy on what they are trying to resolve. Others become very demanding and want to be waited on constantly. And there are those who are a combination of these extremes. In many cases, there is an element of fear present. In all cases, their mental and emotional responses are busy working on resolving the situation the best they know how.
There are those that are fiercely independent and even when they are not feeling well, they refuse any help. They require a different approach. They don't want to be "mothered" or told what to do. They get grumpy and irritable when you try.
Here's how you can assist in the care for a strong willed, stubborn and independent person.
First of all, even though you want to help and do things for him, you have to realize that he created this situation on some level and that he also knows the best way to resolve it or heal himself.
Hovering over him too much will trigger his fear that you are going to take over, that he will lose his freedom and autonomy over his life.
Instead, simply be with him. Sit with him, snuggle with him. You don't have to talk. But watch your feelings, so that you don't project worry. Instead, think loving thoughts and thoughts about how he knows the best way to heal himself. Do this in short segments- for a few minutes at a time, then leave and give him a break.
You can also provide him information about common ways this situation is healed, but don't try to tell him what to do. You have to allow him to make the choice to do some particular action. He wants to stay in charge.
You can bring him things like water, fruit, something to eat, but set it down and leave him alone.
Give him choices. You can encourage him to tap into what he knows is the best way for him to feel better.
Eventually, he will start to trust you and trust himself. You have not tried to take over and run his life. He really does appreciate your care and concern for him, he just wants to make sure that he doesn't lose his freedom of choice. You have given him what he needs and sees you are not trying to force him to do anything.
He will relax, welcome your time together, become more chatty and open to what he is actually feeling and what he fears. He also knows what actions he needs to do to resolve the situation.
You support him by listening and encouragement. At some point, you can be a little bit more assertive in your encouragement, giving him food or vitamins, which he will accept. You can ask he what his plans are and the timeframe.
If you take this step too soon, he will resent you. He has to trust that you won't take over.
In time, both of you make it through the health crisis. You have successfully completed it without arguments. Both of you are relaxed- at least as much as possible under the circumstances. And by allowing, you have provided an energetic space for him to heal himself quickly.