Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

What To Do In Times Of Sickness

Contributor
Love

When your partner is ill, it can be a stressful time for you. How do you care for him and yourself?

There are times when your sweetheart is sick or gets injured. Depending upon the nature of the illness, it can become quite an emotional time.

How you handle yourself during this time can foster peace and healing or arguments and stress for both of you.

People respond to illness differently. Some withdraw into their shell, focusing all of their energy on what they are trying to resolve. Others become very demanding and want to be waited on constantly. And there are those who are a combination of these extremes.  In many cases, there is an element of fear present. In all cases, their mental and emotional responses are busy working on resolving the situation the best they know how.

There are those that are fiercely independent and even when they are not feeling well, they refuse any help. They require a different approach. They don't want to be "mothered" or told what to do. They get grumpy and irritable when you try.

Here's how you can assist in the care for a strong willed, stubborn and independent person.

First of all, even though you want to help and do things for him, you have to realize that he created this situation on some level and that he also knows the best way to resolve it or heal himself.

Hovering over him too much will trigger his fear that you are going to take over, that he will lose his freedom and autonomy over his life.

Instead, simply be with him. Sit with him, snuggle with him. You don't have to talk. But watch your feelings, so that you don't project worry. Instead, think loving thoughts and thoughts about how he knows the best way to heal himself. Do this in short segments- for a few minutes at a time, then leave and give him a break.

You can also provide him information about common ways this situation is healed, but don't try to tell him what to do. You have to allow him to make the choice to do some particular action. He wants to stay in charge.

You can bring him things like water, fruit, something to eat, but set it down and leave him alone.

Give him choices. You can encourage him to tap into what he knows is the best way for him to feel better.

Eventually, he will start to trust you and trust himself. You have not tried to take over and run his life. He really does appreciate your care and concern for him, he just wants to make sure that he doesn't lose his freedom of choice. You have given him what he needs and sees you are not trying to force him to do anything.

He will relax, welcome your time together, become more chatty and open to what he is actually feeling and what he fears. He also knows what actions he needs to do to resolve the situation.

You support him by listening and encouragement. At some point, you can be a little bit more assertive in your encouragement, giving him food or vitamins, which he will accept. You can ask he what his plans are and the timeframe.

If you take this step too soon, he will resent you. He has to trust that you won't take over.

In time, both of you make it through the health crisis. You have successfully completed it without arguments. Both of you are relaxed- at least as much as possible under the circumstances. And by allowing, you have provided an energetic space for him to heal himself quickly.

This works for common situations like a cold, flu, sprains or recovery from an illness at home.

Now this is not as easy for you as it sounds.

You have an emotional attachment to your sweetheart and a serious health problem can threaten your feelings of security and loss. But this becomes a learning experience for you. A practice session where you learn how to deal with your feelings, where you learn to take control of yourself and your life.

Obviously, if this situation is life threatening, you will have to step in and take charge, even if your partner doesn't like the idea.  And another little note- the emergency care people, doctors and health care staff can boss him around and he goes right along with it. But if you try....... sparks fly.

Now if your partner is the demanding type, wanting your constant attention, that presents a whole different challenge.

Unlike the independent type, this person wants someone else to do everything for him, including heal him. He doesn't want to take responsibility for his life, his situation or his health.

This situation requires you to set boundaries or he will suck you dry, mentally, emotionally and energetically. You have to be careful that you don't get resentful and feel victimized by your partner's demands. Fear is behind the demands.  If you can see past his demanding behavior and recognize he is really afraid, then you can address the deeper issues.

You can encourage him to see himself as powerfully in charge of his life and his health. Let him know he is NOT helpless.  This may go over with him like a lead balloon. In that case, hire someone to care for him so that you can maintain a loving space for him and are not drawn into self-sacrifice. This sort of person usually behaves a lot more agreeably with someone other than his partner.

As much as you wish you had a magic wand to heal your partner and help him feel better, he has to do that for himself.

The bottom line is that any situation in your relationship and especially with your partner provides you the opportunity to get to know yourself better. You have an opportunity to practice responding differently, trying to find a peaceful balance and harmony within your life. You may have to face your own fears to allow your partner the dignity of healing himself.

A person's Soul Codes will give you a good clue about what kind of patient your partner will be during times of illness or dis-ease. Understanding your own Soul Codes will allow you to understand and recognize what triggers you and how you can best support yourself and your partner during times of health crisis.

If you want to know what energetic tendencies you are dealing with, I'd love to be of service to you. Just contact me and we can see what I can do for you.

This article was originally published at Connect To Your True Nature . Reprinted with permission from the author.

Author
Contributor

Explore YourTango