6 Things You MUST DO If Cheating Is In Your Partner’s DNA

Photo: weheartit
shocking reason

Yes. Science says some partners are wired to stray. Is yours?

You're at work. A sexy new co-worker starts paying more and more attention to you. You love his snug fitting shirt, the way he makes you feel special and the way he hangs on to your every word. 

His simple, "Hello, beautiful" sends your heart and thoughts racing.

He becomes more and more flirtatious and you feel the attraction mounting. You find yourself fantasizing about him. But wait, you're marriedCheating is not an option. 

One day, he asks you out to lunch. You maintain your composure and politely turn him down, telling him you're in a relationship. He backs off.

Now ... imagine the same type of temptation hits your partner. However, he does just the opposite. 

Instead of stopping the flirtation, he gives into it and allows things to go further and further. He and his hot co-worker eventually end up in the bedroom and you're left utterly devastated.

This is just an illustration (I hope this never happens to you) and, for the record, some research indicates that women cheat at nearly the same rate as men. 

So the question remains - why do some people decide to remain faithful while others decide to cheat? 

Some of the latest research says that a variation in our DNA is strongly linked to cheating. A New York Times article explains that a variation in the DRD4 gene can increase a person's chance of cheating by a whopping 50 percent. 

The study also says that the vasopressin gene could actually contribute as much as 40 percent of the reasons why women are unfaithful.

So, does this spell doom for your relationship and force people to move into the world of infidelity?

Some people will definitely interpret this research as a valid excuse for cheating. But, I think that’s a bunch of baloney. Here's why ... 

What This Study Does Not Say

This study merely says that there is DNA evidence tied to the cheating lifestyle seeming more tempting. However, this study, as well as many others, makes it clear that having these DNA variations in NO way implies that cheating is your partner’s destiny. He or she still has free will and can CHOSE to remain trustworthy and faithful in your relationship.

If your partner has a checkered past, but still has a desire for a long term commitment, there is still hope!

How to Help a Partner With This DNA Variation Remain Faithful

The variation in the DRD4 novelty seeking gene suggests that your partner gets sexually bored more easily, creating a drive for one night stands with a variety of different sex partners. 

While I don’t think this is attributed merely to a single gene, this is a powerful temptation for many and it is wise to find powerful ways to combat it. You and your partner can do this by building what I call "Relationship Integrity". Here's how to start: 

  1. Your partner must act as though you are in the room together, even when you are not there.
    Would he carry on with a flirtatious conversation with an attractive person if you were standing right there? Would he share personal and intimate details about his life? Would he speak ill of you? Would he agree to go out to lunch or hold an extra-long embrace while in your presence?
  2. Make friends with people who are pro-fidelity.
    The last thing your partner needs to hear when he feels tempted is a friend whispering in his ear, "No one will ever know, go ahead and indulge yourself."
  3. When problems arise in your relationship, close off the exit points.
    Don’t run into the arms of another attractive person. Don’t get obsessed with work. And, don’t avoid serious discussions. You must lean in (when you feel the instinct to pull away) to successfully work through conflict.
  4. If you get stuck in an ugly argument every time you discuss important issues, seek professional counseling.
    Don’t let the resentment and frustration build over months and years. This makes you and your partner more vulnerable to temptation.
  5. Find a healthy outlet for getting your novelty-seeking needs met.
    Try a new sport together like mixed martial arts, gymnastics, dance or some other sport or activity where there is always something new to learn. Keep exploring new things in the bedroom as well. 
  6. When you meet someone who tempts you considerably, speak honestly to your partner and agree upon how to handle it together.
    You can choose to either talk about it or pretend it never happened and hide it. The conversation won't be easy, but honesty is essential. 

As you both work on building Relational Integrity around your commitment, the risk of infidelity reduces. You build a hedge of protection around your relationship that helps combat the negative influences of your partner's cheating-prone DNA.

You will both need to exercise these disciplines until the drive for fidelity overcomes any desire to give into highly seductive moments.

Getting caught does not make a man or woman suddenly become faithful for a lifetime. It requires constantly working on building (and sustaining) the integrity that results in genuine trust.

Contact Ed Segawa, Affair Prevention and Recovery Expert, for a free 15 minute phone call. 


Explore YourTango