5. Don't give in to self blame. Blaming yourself for a relationship ending is simply giving you too much power. You could not have done it alone. You are only entitled to half the responsibility. Believing you could have saved things, if you had been different in some way, is wishful thinking.
Relationships are never this simple. Whenever you start blaming yourself and feeling guilty, ask yourself what your partner might have done differently to make the relationship work better. Again, make a list of the ways your partner did not come through for you and your marriage. 6 Ways To Tell If You’re Roommates Or Soul Mates
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6. Don't awfulize. Deal with the present, not the future. Watch for your tendency to project all your fears, doubts and insecurities into the future and make yourself more scared and depressed. Thoughts like "I'll never get over this," "I'll never be happy again," "I can't go on alone" and "I'll never meet anyone else," come up whenever you look ahead from a fearful and insecure state of mind. This is called awfulizing.
Awfulizing weakens you. When these thoughts come up let them pass through you like a cold chill. Do not dwell on or cling to them. Get busy in the present moment doing something that needs to be done for yourself or another who needs your attention.
7. Get good legal advice. Finding a competent matrimonial attorney will be one of the first tasks you will have to focus on. Take it seriously. If you need to, get someone to help you with this. It will get you out of your head and into the reality of your situation. Ask family and friends for referrals, gather attorney information and have all of your personal and financial information ready. This is good practice for taking care of yourself and moving forward.
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8. Remember, under stress we regress. Be careful not to regress back to old self-destructive or sabotaging behaviors. With all your strength, stay adult. Take good care of yourself so you can be there for those who need you. Do not take on any new or additional projects at this time because this might add more stress. Find ways to relax and to welcome new healthy ways to bring joy into your life.