You Cheated - She Found Out - Now What Do You Do?

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You Cheated - She Found Out - Now What Do You Do?
Cheating happens for many reasons. But the pain and devastation is often quite similar.

• Admit your guilt and express your sincere sorrow that you have betrayed her trust.
• Express your empathy in words and actions and body language
• Show her in every way possible that you did not comprehend the enormity of what you did
• Make a continual effort in words and deeds to prove to her that you will never cross that line again
• Listen to her, over and over again, as she expresses her intense emotional pain at being betrayed
• Explain to her how your emotional insecurity led you to seek someone else's flattery and approval
• Tell her how much you need her love and you long for her tender affection and forgiveness
• Insist that you will do everything you possibly can to make the marriage work
• Encourage her to join you in marriage counseling, sex therapy or an intensive group experience
• Open your heart to her, share your fears, your emotional fragility
• Above all, listen to her, listen to her, listen to her, and listen some more
• And whether or not she joins you in counseling, seek help for your own unresolved relationship and sexual issues

Cheating happens for many reasons. When we feel misunderstood, lonely, neglected or just bored, the affections of a new person can be most appealing. But there is a reason you chose to marry your wife. If you ever loved her, and you probably still do, the cheating may have just been a pastime and you may have believed that nobody would ever know about it.

Once your secret has been revealed, you may with all your heart just want to get your marriage back to the way it was. You may miss the trust and love you had received from your wife but perhaps had taken for granted. And now, your wife or beloved betrayed partner may not be able to forgive and forget. The end result may be that you have to split up. But once you have given it your all and followed these suggestions, you may not be able to repair the damage that has been done. However, you may be wiser now and maybe finally ready to commit to a new relationship without the desire and need for infidelity.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Erica Goodstone

Author

I have the unique habit of caring about you and seeing your greatness when you may temporarily have blinders on. I will lovingly nudge you into a state of self-acceptance, self-appreciation and receptivity to the love of others.

My life's work is to help you create and allow healing and love in your life and all your relationships. You create healing in your body by removing impediments to your natural immune system functions. You create love in your relationships by accepting and appreciating the unique gifts that each and every person has to offer, and that includes YOU.

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Location: Boca Raton, FL
Credentials: LMFT, LMHC, LPC, MA, MFT, NCC, Other, PhD
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