He Cheated - You Know - Now What Are You Going to Do?
By Dr. Erica Goodstone. Posted on .
So, what can a reasonable woman do once her beloved spouse has crossed the line of infidelity, she has discovered the truth, and both cannot turn back the clock? Here are the steps that are required without any guarantee of positive results.
• Expect him to admit your guilt and express your sincere sorrow that you have betrayed her trust.
• Express your hurt, anger, and rage, preferably only in words and body language
• Insist that he lets you know that he does fully comprehend the enormity of what he did
• Demand that he make a continual effort in words and deeds to prove he will never cross that line again
• Make him listen to you, over and over again, expressing your intense emotional pain at being betrayed
• Develop some empathy for his emotional insecurity that led him to seek another woman's approval
• Tell him how much you need to be loved and to feel safe enough to let go into tender affection
• Insist that he agrees to do everything he possibly can to restore the emotional wellness of your marriage
• Encourage him to join you in marriage counseling, sex therapy or an intensive group experience
• Help him to open his heart to you, to share with you his fears and his emotional fragility
• Above all, get him to listen to you, listen to you, listen to you, until you know you are being heart
• And whether or not he joins you in counseling, seek help for your own unresolved relationship and sexual issues
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After all is said and done, after everything has been talked about and rehashed and you want to believe you can make a go of it together, in the end, you may never be able to fully forgive and forget. You may choose to let it slide and remain connected, always feeling a bit on guard, wondering when he will hurt you again. Or, you may decide that it is best for you to split up and give yourself the opportunity to meet someone new.
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Breaking up is not always the best solution. You may be one of those who really get to work it out with each other, who really come to a new understanding. After following these suggestions, and finding some new ways to be together, you may actually feel that both of you are ready to recreate the love and passion and desire in your marriage, no longer fearing that he might cheat and that you might need to retaliate. Sometimes love does prevail.
