Many men and women enter marriage with their eyes wide shut. They often do not take a good hard look
Women are often deluded about male sexuality. Even though it is widely publicized that many men cheat on their wives, contact 900 numbers, visit exotic dance clubs and cohort with prostitutes, many women do not believe that this applies to their man. So when a woman finds her husband watching pornography, sharing intimate conversations on Facebook or meeting secretly with another woman, she may be devastated. Even though she has been privately rejecting her husband's sexual advances for months or even years, she somehow believes he will just be able to contain his energy and sublimate his desires.
Men are tantalized by young women with perfectly fit and sexy bodies, walking down the street, in movies, on TV or on the proliferating pornographic sites. It is difficult for a man of any age to not compare his real, flesh and blood, woman to the icons of youthful beauty he sees everywhere. He may begin to feel frustrated when his wife shows less desire while taking birth control pills, or because of stressors in her life, or when she is pregnant or becomes a new mother.
A woman may become so focused on her children or her own emotional imbalances that she starts to neglect her husband. Women don't always realize that the man is serious that he is upset and cannot tolerate her lack of attention toward him.
Then there are the unresolved childhood issues that surface as a couple becomes closer and attempts to be intimate. All those mixed emotions can interfere with desire. Desire discrepancies may emerge based upon each one's natural makeup or because of differing amounts of tension, stress and sleep in their daily lives.
Years of tolerating each other's differences without resolving conflicts can lead to two people leading separate lives while sharing the same home. That makes each one more vulnerable and susceptible to having an affair with some new person who pays attention, listens, shares and appears to offer what their mate has stopped giving.
Life and relationships offer us many opportunities for growth and learning, healing and creating love. Sensual pleasure cannot flourish when stress and resentment and even rage rule the household. Love and sensuality flow freely when two people find time to share their innermost thoughts, have fun and adventures together, and stop comparing their partner to anyone else. Age, beauty, wealth, and personal charisma become less important than integrity, caring and tender love. Sexuality abounds when two people pay attention to each other and appreciate their unique qualities as a gift from one to the other. Wrapped in the arms of love, age and beauty and external qualities do not really matter. Love is the answer. The key is learning how to love.