4 Steps To Forgiving Your Mom

Step 2: Choose peace. We often live with a sense of being powerless or being victims of others — including our mothers — as if we didn't have a choice about how to feel or respond to what they say, or how they treat us. (Mothers certainly do have a special ability to trigger powerful automatic reactions.)

From the out of the box perspective which I describe in my book, Out of the Box for Life (HarperCollins), we would not choose to be hurt, frustrated or invalidated by anything that she said. We would not give up what we know about ourselves just because she may see things differently. Beyond Orgasm—Creating True Intimacy, Sexuality & Love

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The thrill and sense of power and freedom that we would feel would be extraordinary! Our well-being would be back in our hands, where it has always been and always should be. We might hear her judgment of us, but see it as a reflection of her, not who we really are. Again, we are free and at peace; open to something brand new! (See my second article.)

STep 3: Choose truth. From in the box, letting go of the past may sound like glossing things over, denying your feelings, avoiding your hurt, or being callous to your "real" pain. None of these are the case.

From out of the box, you see the truth of what has happened between you. You know who your mother is, and who you are. You give up trying to change her. It won't work anyway, and will only frustrate the both of you. Get Instant Access To Your True Self

What will work is to know that deep within you, you are always free of anything that has ever happened to you in the past. Holding on to the old identity of being damaged keeps you both stuck in the past, and your mother as the cause.

No matter what she may have said or done to you, there is a place within that is always free and undamaged. I guarantee that this is the case. If you choose to see life from this perspective, your mother (and your father) are released, and so are you. That is true freedom!

Step 4: Choose freedom. We have to finally recognize that hurt and anger linger because we continue to focus on them, and on what happened in the past, and see ourselves and life itself from that vantage point. We repeatedly tell ourselves what's wrong with us, and listen very closely as if what we say is useful or in any way important. 

It's just very old news that does nothing positive for our life, and certainly does not move us forward. We identify with our childhood beliefs as if they are true now. We feel victimized by our relationships with our mothers and what she may or may not have done, and by what we did not receive from her. Gifts Your Man Will Love [VIDEO]

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We forget that so much has changed since we first assessed life when we were young. Imagine if we never replaced our clothes, our shoes, or our cars. Imagine if we never deleted old messages on our phones or our computers — especially the ones that we didn't want or need? Would there be any space left for something new, or something useful to show up?