Savannah is our oldest child, and being first, is the one we learned the most from. Translation, we screwed up the most and learned what not to do. We lacked the ability to hold a clear and safe structure for her and at the same time pushed certain structures and expectations, resulting in temper flares on both sides, resistance, and struggle. She made us mad…and we made her mad.
Structure, boundaries, and the emotion “anger” are associated with the Wood Element (in the eastern philosophy of “Five Elements”). It is developed from having a clear structure and rituals in life, and allows a person to see clearly…to have a clear vision of what they want, and the patience to allow it to unfold. In our struggle, Savannah learned that her wants make other people angry, which does not support a strong self esteem.
As a result, she is the most considerate child we have. Which, like all sweet fruit, will weaken your body if overdone. She also has a significant sensitivity to correction. She is crushed if the actions she takes creates unhappiness in others. That anxiety leads to a hesitation in going after what she wants…she has too much energy devoted to making others happy.
I observed her hesitation in soccer, where she would wait for other kids get the ball if they were both close. After one game, I even inquired… “It looked like you were pulling up when the ball came near you, letting the other team get it….what happened?” She shared that the girl across from her said, “stay away from my ball.” And like a hypnotic suggestion, she couldn’t force herself to cause unhappiness in this opposing player.
We worked on that emotionally in her, increasing energy to the Fire Element…the energy of acquisition, desire, and passion. In nature, wood creates fire…and in life, vision creates passion. When she was emotionally triggered by someone else’s unhappiness, she was energetically blocked from her desire…being a good soccer player, which means beating that person to the ball. She couldn’t impose her will if it was affecting someone else.
We used a Five Element acupressure technique to create energy in her Fire Element, and she had the game of her life the next week, scoring her first goal of the last two years. She was beating people to the ball, and looked more aggressive than I have ever seen her. She won the sportsmanship award for her team that game, and all three of her coaches commented on what a different player she was.
To carry forward that energy, we went back to the soccer field the day after to practice, with a mixed up team of our five year old twins, Gates and Amory, and Sacred and Savannah. At one point, Sacred and Savannah scored on the twins and me, and as Gates went to get the ball out of the net, Savannah stole it and playfully started back up the field. Gates was yelling, which triggered my sensitivity about the emotional state of the five year old, and I corrected Savannah…yelled and corrected.