Relating With Love

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Relating With Love
Dr. Romance writes about healthy communication as a key to a healthy marriage.

• Be courteous: Nothing ramps up the sweetness more than old-fashioned courtesy. Being familiar with each other is not a reason to drop your “please and thank-you’s.” Politeness is lubrication for your daily interactions, it makes everything go more smoothly.

• Look, smile and touch: There’s an actual electrical connection that passes between us when we touch. To demonstrate this in seminars, I use a ‘magic wand’ that contains a battery, and is wired so that you have to put one hand on each end of it to light it up. I ask a couple to hold hands, and then have each of them hold one end of the wand with the other hand, so it lights. Then, I ask them to let go of each other’s hand, and the light goes out, even though they’re still holding the wand. This even works with a big circle of people, when two are holding the wand. When everyone holds hands, the wand lights—if anyone in the circle drops another’s hand the wand goes out, because the electrical circuit of the connected bodies is disconnected. Also, neurology research shows that your brain “lights up” when you look at someone you love. In my office, I know that when I get a couple to look at each other and hold hands, their arguments become much less angry. You can use that electrical connection to provide “juice” in your marriage. Look at each other and smile frequently when you’re together; give each other little pats, massages, gentle touches, and hold hands frequently when you’re walking or driving, you’ll keep the energy (and the sweetness) flowing between you. Your physical body will remember all those little looks, caresses and smiles.

 

• Give compliments: It costs nothing to say “You look good” or “I like your shirt” or “You did a great job” and it gives back countless rewards. Give each other as many complements as you can manage, every day. Between complements and gratitude, you can really pump each other up and both of you will feel great, and look like you do.

• Celebrate: Make a fuss, big or small, over every little accomplishment or milestone you achieve. Remember, Appreciation + Celebration = Motivation. If you want to motivate each other to stay together, work toward a good marriage, be a success, or be more loving; celebrate and appreciate every tiny step in a good direction. You’ll be surprised how quickly you achieve your goals when you celebrate every step along the way.

 

• Party: Create a party atmosphere for bigger celebrations. Toast a celebration with champagne or sparkling cider, a gathering of friends, or a thankful prayer. Create a celebration environment: use balloons, music, flowers, candles, or set your table with the best china.

• Visible reminders: Surround yourself with visible evidence of your successes. Plant a commemorative rosebush or get a new houseplant to mark a job well done, or display photos and souvenirs of fun events, vacations and sports or hobby trophies. It's a constant reminder of your ability to have fun with each other. Or get together for an impromptu lunchtime picnic and a balloon. Keep Reading...

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
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Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
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