But My Parents Divorced...Will I? 3 Steps To Avoid Past Mistakes

By

But My Parents Divorced...Will I? 3 Steps To Avoid Past Mistakes
Want to break the cycle of divorce? Read on and follow these three surefire tips.

If you're the adult child of a divorce or simply trying to improve your marriage, here are three tips to help you cultivate a good relationship with your partner.

1. Weekly State of the Union Discussions 
This is not an argument or complaint session. It's an opportunity to update each other on how things are going between you. I recommend it because ACD's often tend to avoid talking about what's going on until a problem is created. If you keep each other informed of both the good things and the problems on a regular basis, nothing will get out of hand or become too dramatic to solve easily. This works every time with every couple in counseling with me who are willing to do it.

 

2. Express Love, Kindness and Sweetness
The relationships depicted in the media (and probably your own parents' relationship) do not model kind, loving and considerate behavior very well. Although the press may be bored by politeness, kindness and happiness, those traits will make your partner and your relationship flourish and blossom. Consider kindness to be the lubricant of your communication; and expressing love to be the fertilizer that makes the relationship bloom.

3. Caring For Yourself And Your Partner
Guard against sacrificing too much by making sure you care about yourself, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Guard against narcissism and selfishness by caring about your partner in the same four areas. Achieving balance in these areas is the best way to ensure that your relationship will thrive, and no one will carry too much resentment, which is the only emotion that can destroy love.

Just because your parents had a tumultious marriage doesn't mean you will have one, too. If you put effort into it, and follow the three tips I've provided, you will be one step ahead of those who don't. 

More relationship coach on YourTango:

 

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dear Dr. Romance: How Do I Stop My Husband's Ex-Wife from Smother

By

Dear Dr. Romance:  My husband has a son with his ex-wife.  He is 12, but she still invites him to sleep in her bed. How old is too old to be sleeping with Mom?  I know kids from divorced parents have different issues-- one being how a child should sleep, what manners to follow, at what time to do their chores, homework, etc. I think ... Read more

Creating Family Acceptance

By

Lately, I’ve gotten so many anguished questions from people who are being criticized and rejected by family for making relationship choices the families don’t like, usually for cultural or religious reasons, that I changed my mind about what I was going to write this month. If your choice of a partner, lifestyle, religion or place to live has ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: His Clutter Drives Me Crazy!

By

Dear Dr. Romance I found you online when i googled "How to Live with a Slob". My husband and I are opposites in the area of how to keep a house -- i am very clean and he is, well, not at all. The clutter drives me crazy! It is just one more issue that impacts our relationship.  My husband has been getting better and better, slowly and in ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular