Many of my clients have come in complaining of a lack of motivation; from not being motivated enough on the job, to not being able to diet, quit smoking, or get out of bed in the morning. They desire to achieve both positive and negative motivations—positive motivations and being motivations toward doing something; negative motiviations being toward NOT doing something (not smoking, for example).
Almost invariably, the method they have tried before (unsuccessfully) has been to beat themselves into it. This happens through a negative inner dialog, such as: “You lazy person, you’ll never get anywhere;” “you have to do this whether you like it or not;” or “no one will ever love you until you do.” Sometimes, they have tried bribing or persuading themselves, which works for a while, but fails sooner or later. Sometimes, they have gotten another person to push them around, such as a motivational group, hypnosis, a parent or parent substitute, who will insist that they have to behave.
This third option works quite well for some people for a long time. However, the nature of this persuasion is to overpower the client’s natural process, and the people who come to me come because they have rebelled against the authority of that person or group, and find that now they can’t do what they would like to because of their rebellion! The truth is, that if we believe someone else is pushing us around, we are not likely to respond cooperatively. Especially when the “pushy person” is oneself!!!
The fact is, no matter how nasty and angry these people get with themselves, they cannot get motivated. Together, my clients and I have had tremendous, verifiable success with these problems, and every client who has worked with me has succeeded in getting motivated, both “negative motivation” and “positive motivation”. The reason for such success is htat creating motivation is easy.
I maintain that motivation grows out of celebration and appreciation. I like to state it in equation form: celebration + appreciation = motivation
By this I mean that if you can find a way to appreciate yourself for what you’ve already accomplished, and to celebrate your previous successes (and believe em, you CAN find a way), you will find you are “magically” motivated to accomplish more. No struggle, no hassle—you accomplish out of the pure fun of success! To illustrate what I mean, I will describe two possible employers. The “bad boss” and the “good boss”.
The Bad Boss
–Operates through intimidation and criticism...
–Always complains; never praises (you only know you’re doing OK because the boss says nothing)
–Gets nasty if you make a mistake
–Humiliates you in front of others
–Never thinks you’ve done enough
–Assumes you are lazy and dishonest
–Changes the rules arbitrarily
–Is never satisfied of pleased
(get the picture?)