How To Write A Letter You May Never Send

By

Relationship Challenges: How To Write A Letter You May Never Send
A pen and paper might be the final key to moving on.

Writing has a powerful effect on our emotional state. The following exercise is designed to help you fully express feelings that may have lain dormant for a long time, or may be too intense and jumbled for you to process effectively. You'll find it helpful in expressing what you feel, especially if you're having difficulty letting go, forgiving, grieving for or being appropriately angry at someone.

This letter is not designed to be mailed to anyone. After you write it, you may decide to write another appropriately adjusted for the other person to read. The point of this is to let your feelings out, uncensored and unedited. Begin by expressing your anger, resentment and blame, and allow yourself to move through the other levels until you get down to the love.

You may find your feelings begin pouring out as you write. If so, just go with what you feel. If you get stuck or confused, using the following suggested lead-in phrases may help you.

1. Anger And Blame:

  • I don't like it when...
  • I resent...
  • I hate it when...
  • I'm fed up with...
  • I'm tired of...

2. Hurt And Sadness:

  • I feel sad when...
  • I feel hurt because...
  • I feel awful because...
  • I feel disappointed because...

3. Fear And Insecurity:

  • I feel afraid...
  • I'm afraid that...
  • I feel scared because...
  • I don't understand...

4. Guilt and Responsibility:

  • I'm sorry that...
  • I'm sorry for...
  • Please forgive me for...
  • I didn't mean to...

5. Love, Forgiveness, Understanding And Desire

  • I love you because...
  • I love when...
  • Thank you for...
  • I understand that...
  • I forgive you for...
  • I want...

Now put the letter away for a couple of days, then re-read it and decide if you want to share part of it with the other person. If you're writing to someone who has passed on, you may want to burn the letter to symbolically "send" it.

Adapted from It Ends With You © 2003 Tina B. Tessina

This article was originally published at Tina B. Tessina. Reprinted with permission.

More about how to Move On on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dear Dr. Romance: I Would Like To Get Out Of This Anxiety

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I'm a 70-year-old man who has been married more than 40 years.  I read your article "Autonomy and Dependency" I feel like I've been in a codependency relationship the last fifteen years and have developed anxiety & depression. My wife is a strong person and I'm a 'pleaser.' I've been on ... Read more

Live Outside The Box

By

I was speaking with a client today about how he is burn-out in his career. This is a man who's been very successful, earned a lot of money, and worked hard for a big, national corporation. I told him he was burned-out, and on strike, because he had put himself in a box about work. The box consisted of four walls: Wall #1: I have to make $$$$ amount ... Read more

What To Do When You (Literally) Can't Afford To Be Let Down Again

By

Dear Dr. Romance: My partner, with whom I have been in a relationship for the past year, has changed and let me down twice. We were first friends for several years, and became a couple a year ago. We both fell in love instantly and desired to live together to build a good future, financially, with family. We both have children from past relationships and ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.