Fighting, temper tantrums and arguing may be common in your original family, but it’s not genetic, inherited, or inevitable. It’s still learned behavior, and it’s a dysfunctional family trait. It’s a habit, and you can overcome it for the benefit of your spouse and children.
• Myth #7: It’s OK to yell, shout , curse , throw things and hit walls as long as I don’t hit a person.
These raging behaviors are classified as emotional abuse, which is just as damaging to families as physical abuse. Evidence of emotional abuse is enough to have your children detained by Child Protective Services in many states, and can even cause a raging spouse to be hauled off in handcuffs, if a problem is reported and the police arrive to witness the behavior. I tell clients who are behaving this way to separate until they get their anger under control, which requires anger management classes or therapy. If this is happening in your house, it must be stopped now – get counseling right away.
Fighting = Bad Communication
No matter what you’re fighting about: money, sex, kids or something else, the fighting is an indication that your communication isn’t working. If this happens only occasionally, such as when one or both of you are tired or stressed; it’s not too big a problem. However, if you argue or bicker on a daily or weekly basis, or you keep fighting about the same thing over and over, then your communication is not functioning as it should, and you don’t know how to move from a problem to the solution. When this happens, problems are recurrent, endless, and they can be exaggerated into relationship disasters.
Use these guidelines to make your discussions more productive:
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