Doctor Romance has guidelines for protecting yourself from a violent relationship.
It’s not always easy to tell which strangers are dangerous, and which are not. Here are some guidelines for protecting yourself and telling the difference.
1. Don’t be alone with a new person too quickly, and don’t go to the other person’s home, or allow him or her in yours, especially if you have children. Get to know someone first away from your home. Rather, meet for coffee or lunch in a public place, or in a group.
2. Don’t drink on a new date, more than a minimal amount (no more than one or two drinks). Do not ride in the other person’s car, or drive him or her in yours. Be alert, so you can evaluate this new person.
3. Resist pressure. A potentially violent person will be resistant to your self-protectiveness, and may ridicule you or pressure you to trust them. The more this happens, the more careful you need to be. Pressure is a clear message that your new “friend” doesn’t value your feelings or your safety.
4. Don’t let your guard down too soon. Stalking, date rape, and domestic violence often show up later in a dating relationship. Potential abusers are often extremely charming in the beginning, and tell you what you want to hear. Be cautious if your date seems too good to be true.
5. Use your intuition. If you get any internal warnings or uncomfortable feelings, use them as an early warning system...pay very close attention and find out what is causing your negative reaction.
6. Make friends first. By keeping the relationship in the “friends” category, you will know more about the person before taking risks. If you feel pressured to go farther, see this as a warning.
7. Begin in groups. By meeting people in safe venues and groups, you automatically begin as friends, and know more about your date before you begin dating. You also get the benefit of your other friends’ reactions to your potential date.
8. Learn to recognize over-controlling or out of control behavior. If your date wants to know everything you do, drinks too much, or flies into a rage, those are danger signs.
9. Pay close attention to your date’s financial integrity. Until you know he or she is trustworthy, only give money (or possessions, such as your car) as a gift you don’t expect back.
10. Don’t let attraction overrule your common sense. Sexual and romantic attraction is very powerful, and makes it difficult to think clearly. If you feel overwhelmingly attracted to someone, regard slow down and take your time. Your libido can’t tell an ax murderer from a saint; but your rational mind can.
11. Look for integrity—make sure your date walks his or her talk. Anyone can talk big. Actually, some of the best people don’t present themselves well — don’t overlook someone who is not gorgeous, charming and glib, but has all the qualities you really need in a partner.
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This article was originally published at Tina B. Tessina. Reprinted with permission from the author.