“Miracles do happen,” wrote Chaim Weizman , the first President of Israel “but one has to work very hard for them.”
To grow up and out of a painful, dysfunctional past and all its leftovers—feelings, memories, pain, confusion, anger, fear, and persistent dysfunctional relationship patterns— may seem like a miracle, too wonderful to be possible. But it can be done, if you have the right tools and support. The purpose of It Ends With You is to lead you from the problems of the past into a satisfying, joyful, and successful future.
Most people tend to think of family legacies in terms of handed-down furniture, mementos, and money. But most of us actually get far larger inheritances of habits, attitudes, beliefs, and patterns. These old, learned ways of thinking and acting can create chaos in your life that resembles the upheaval of the past.
In nearly 40 years of psychotherapy practice, I have watched with awe as clients come to understand the power of childhood experience—how it can affect their lives without their knowledge. As they begin to understand and challenge their early learning, they gain the confidence and understanding they need to face the lessons of life on their own terms. Once they have unlocked their inner secrets, they are able to handle whatever surprises and challenges life holds and still see the humor, the beauty, and the joy of being alive. With the information and techniques in It Ends with You, you too can change your early programming and take charge of your life.
Whether your life feels good, just tolerable, overwhelming, or even miserable, until you explore the early learning that holds you back, a substantial amount of your personal energy can be tied up inside you. This bound energy has been unavailable to you for so long, you may not even realize it’s missing, but your capacity to fully experience the joy of life, and a lot of your potential vitality, suffers.
Do you remember this old nursery rhyme?
There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
And when she was good
She was very, very good
But when she was bad, she was horrid.
Most of us know we either can be “very, very good” or “horrid,” but seldom can we figure out why we act the way we do or the timing of either behavior.
• If you can’t trust yourself, whom can you trust?
• When you don’t feel in control of your own reactions and emotions, how can you feel secure and competent?
• When a friend disappoints or betrays you or life hands you a difficult situation, such as illness, and you feel emotionally upset or out of control, what can you do about it?
We all have a need to feel in control and competent; our survival depends on it. We are naturally afraid of what we don’t understand, what we feel we cannot control. When what feels uncontrollable is within ourselves, it becomes all the more threatening. Yet, most of us have at least some feelings or beliefs that seem too repulsive, primitive, dangerous, puzzling, unacceptable, embarrassing, and/or out of control to be safe.