Growing Up as an Adult

By

Growing Up as an Adult
Most people tend to think of family legacies in terms of handed-down furniture, mementos, and money.

“Miracles do happen,” wrote Chaim Weizman , the first President of Israel “but one has to work very hard for them.”

To grow up and out of a painful, dysfunctional past and all its leftovers—feelings, memories, pain, confusion, anger, fear, and persistent dysfunctional relationship patterns— may seem like a miracle, too wonderful to be possible. But it can be done, if you have the right tools and support. The purpose of It Ends With You is to lead you from the problems of the past into a satisfying, joyful, and successful future.

Most people tend to think of family legacies in terms of handed-down furniture, mementos, and money. But most of us actually get far larger inheritances of habits, attitudes, beliefs, and patterns. These old, learned ways of thinking and acting can create chaos in your life that resembles the upheaval of the past.

In nearly 40 years of psychotherapy practice, I have watched with awe as clients come to understand the power of childhood experience—how it can affect their lives without their knowledge. As they begin to understand and challenge their early learning, they gain the confidence and understanding they need to face the lessons of life on their own terms. Once they have unlocked their inner secrets, they are able to handle whatever surprises and challenges life holds and still see the humor, the beauty, and the joy of being alive. With the information and techniques in It Ends with You, you too can change your early programming and take charge of your life.

Whether your life feels good, just tolerable, overwhelming, or even miserable, until you explore the early learning that holds you back, a substantial amount of your personal energy can be tied up inside you. This bound energy has been unavailable to you for so long, you may not even realize it’s missing, but your capacity to fully experience the joy of life, and a lot of your potential vitality, suffers.

Do you remember this old nursery rhyme?

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
And when she was good
She was very, very good
But when she was bad, she was horrid.

Most of us know we either can be “very, very good” or “horrid,” but seldom can we figure out why we act the way we do or the timing of either behavior.

• If you can’t trust yourself, whom can you trust?
• When you don’t feel in control of your own reactions and emotions, how can you feel secure and competent?
• When a friend disappoints or betrays you or life hands you a difficult situation, such as illness, and you feel emotionally upset or out of control, what can you do about it?

We all have a need to feel in control and competent; our survival depends on it. We are naturally afraid of what we don’t understand, what we feel we cannot control. When what feels uncontrollable is within ourselves, it becomes all the more threatening. Yet, most of us have at least some feelings or beliefs that seem too repulsive, primitive, dangerous, puzzling, unacceptable, embarrassing, and/or out of control to be safe.

This article was originally published at Tina B. Tessina. Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Shared Laughter Is The Best Relationship Medicine

By

Dr. Romance writes, A lighthearted approach to serious matters often is the most productive one. Imagine what your days would be like if you focused on having fun and making yourself and your partner laugh. Fun is also good for your health. Telling your partner the cute thing your kid said (or your pet did) or talking about the funny scene in the latest hit ... Read more

Overcome Your Anxiety In 8 Simple Steps!

By

We are all in a time of high stress, and national disasters often bring up fear. If these fears are not dealt with, they can lead to "acting out" behavior, such as drinking too much or creating problems with relationships, work or money as a distraction. To avoid these kinds of problems, follow these simple steps for resolving your fear and ... Read more

Afraid To Reenter The Dating Game? Refine Your Strategy!

By

Dear Dr. Romance: My last romantic relationship, which I thought was mutual, ended because she said one day out of the blue, "I don't love you any more." I don't think she ever really did love me, but rather that I was her crutch after her last breakup. I loved her wholly, with all my everything, however she did reciprocate. That, of ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB