50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

Friends In Need: How To Intervene In An Abusive Marriage

By

Friends In Need: How To Intervene In An Abusive Marriage [EXPERT]
Do you fear your friend is in an abusive marriage?
What you can do to help when a friend is in a domestic violence or abuse situation.

Last month, I received the following letter from an old friend, Lloyd Barnhart. "A topic I would like you to explore is that curious phenomena which permits otherwise independent women to be dominated, and even abused, by males with whom they share some sort of relationship. Why is it that a seemingly strong and intelligent woman would allow herself to be hurt and her life to be altered in a negative way by some guy with whom she has some sort of relationship.

I currently know a couple such women and feel completely helpless with regard to alleviating their problem. I realize you could attack this from another other angle, such as why would a man want to completely dominate a female to the point where she fails to exist as an individual? But for now, help me understand this from the female perspective."

More from YourTango: Dear Dr. Romance: I got very drunk and kissed another man

I'd be happy to explore this and I hope the following information answers your questions. Of course, every person involved in violent situations has their own reason for living that way. Usually, women who remain in abusive or violent situations are more afraid of being alone than of being with the abusive husband. She may also be afraid of what he will do if she leaves. She's usually financially dependent on him. If the couple has children, the woman feels even more invested and trapped. She believes she is protecting the children. The more time passes, the weaker, more dependent and "stuck" she becomes. 3 Rules For 'Dropping A Bomb' On Your Significant Other

Abusive men are narcissistic. They have "Jekyll and Hyde" personalities, which means that they can be very charming when they're not being abusive. Women who stay in abusive situations focus on this charm and deny the abuse. They also have experience with their husbands smoothly talking their way out of any misbehavior.

For example, if she called the police about the abuse, her husband could get them to believe nothing was wrong. The woman feels hopeless and helpless. She feels that no one will believe her or help her get out. She is also ashamed and doesn't want people to know her misery. Various women have combinations of all or some of these reasons for staying.

The question that concerns most of us should be, "what can I do to help?" Here are some steps you can take when you believe a friend or family member is in this situation.

More from YourTango: Make New Friends, Keep Good Friends

1. Get informed about options. Before attempting to help, make sure you know what the options are for the woman and her children. These include finding a domestic violence hotline number, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). The number for child protective services, you can ask the operator for your local Child Abuse Hotline and visiting various abuse websites such as Child Help. You can also call 1-800- 4 A Child and obtain numbers for local womens' shelters.

More relationship advice from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dear Dr. Romance: I got very drunk and kissed another man

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I'm nearly 30 and have been living with my boyfriend for several years. Last year we encountered a rough patch and I felt neglected and unloved and like all respect had gone from our relationship. Unfortunately during this time I got very drunk and kissed another man. I confessed and times were very difficult for a while but eventually ... Read more

Make New Friends, Keep Good Friends

By

“Make new friends, keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.”—adage Research conducted by Dr. Dean Ornish and others shows that the happiest and healthiest people are those who are well-connected to friends and family. But, in our mobile society, keeping friends is not always possible. Long-term friendships are wonderful and ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: What Should A Twentysomething Grad Student Do?

By

Dear Dr. Romance, We are co-workers and I've know him for about two years. He's very nice, funny and in very good shape. We've built a pretty solid friendship. We hang out a couple times a month (when I'm home from school). But, lately he's been pushing for a relationship (seeing as how I'm graduating next year). He's very ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

Letting Go Is Hard To Do

Healing your heart after divorce or loss of a spouse is worth the effort. Letting go is hard to do.

cozy up

Showing Love Through Touch

Touch is so incredibly important in relationships.

happiest

Listen Up, Darling: A Sex Kitten Is Never Hangry or Tired

Recently I shared eight surprising traits of a sex kitten. Each of those traits are ones that ...

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS