Is Your Partner Too Self-Involved?

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Is Your Partner Too Self-Involved?
Tips To Recognize If Your Partner Is Emotionally Abusive

I am convinced that the term "romance" is interchanged, incorrectly, with excitement and passion. It is very hard for members of our instant gratification society to accept that these feeling of excitement and passion have to begin internally within each individual based on how they are giving to themselves and their partners. Obsession with looks is definitely a problem in our society, and it shows us to be increasingly immature and insecure. We also must be too wealthy for our own good, if we can spend these millions on vanity.

The obsession with makeovers is media-driven and shows an inability to think for oneself or to accept oneself. While plastic surgery is a true blessing for someone with a real problem and learning to "dress for success" may be helpful to the wardrobe impaired, it is definitely overblown to the point that people who otherwise would be perfectly acceptable are making drastic, artificial changes.

What does a cosmetic redone nose or an enhanced bustline say about you? It says you're narcissistic, willing to use and be used by others for narcissistic needs, and doubt your own self-worth. It says nothing good about the content of your character. Outside of the entertainment industry, it's actually the average-looking people who succeed, isn't it? They have the good, long-lasting marriages, the business success, the stamina to create a good life. This is because they've learned to look beneath the surface, and they're not looking for instant answers.

Women need to keep in mind that different habits indicate men's character differences. Lack of sexual confidence could be great if you want a marriage or a long-term relationship, because it indicates someone without a lot of experience—this is not a player, he's probably a more emotionally vulnerable man, which means he's more open to love.

Sexual confidence is great, on the other hand, if you're into sport sex and don't have any need for commitment—because men who are sexually confident usually have a lot of experience, and are often highly non-monogamous. A man with lots of charm, who says exactly what you want to hear, may be dishonest and narcissistic.

What about the man who is mistakenly confident—that is, he's sure he's great, but your experience is, he's a sexual dud? This man is most likely self-involved and doesn't have much empathy or concern for others. His braggadocio may conceal a very wounded soul, along with an alcohol, drug, or gambling problem. He lacks impulse control and a sense of responsibility, because he's a narcissist. That means that emotionally, he's stuck at the narcissistic stage children go through as a two-year-old.  

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
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Dr. Tina Tessina

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Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
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tina@tinatessina.com
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Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
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