Dr. Romance's Guidelines for Creating a Sexual Agreement:
* Set up a problem-solving session:
* Having a time to talk about sex will help you create trust and sexual openness which makes finding solutions much easier.
* Begin with reassurance and good will, reminding each other of your love and of your desire that your sexual relationship be fulfilling for both of you.
* Remember, underneath your anxiety, frustration and struggle, each of you is longing for the other to care about what you want, and to understand you.
* If you have difficulty talking to each other about this, read these guidelines aloud and follow them step-by-step. This is a prime opportunity to improve all the communication in your relationship and get you out of being stuck.
* Remind each other, "I love you, I want our relationship to be good for both of us."
*Share your wants, needs, and ideas: Be honest about your sexual needs. Your partner may feel more like you do about sex than you think; but you'll never know that unless you're willing to express your own feelings and listen to him or her.
*Being honest means not only telling the truth; but also being willing to hear the truth from each other. Making honesty OK is the key to achieving sexual understanding. The only attitude that works is this one: "I may not like what you tell me, I may have trouble hearing it, but I will still love you, and we will work together to come to an agreement that works."