Dr. Romance Video: Repairing a Dysfunctional Mother/Daughter Rela

By

Dr. Romance Video: Repairing a Dysfunctional Mother/Daughter Rela
Guidelines for growing up within your family and improving the mother-daughter relationship.

(Watch the video here.)

When you hit your teens you and your mom had a bad time, and you still are. Maybe she's not the mother you always wanted, but she's yours. How do you bury the hatchet and repair your connection? This will also be helpful for moms trying to repair relationships with daughters. You may never be best friends, but you can learn to appreciate each other and get along.

 

As the daughter of a mom who was seriously depressed (which I only understood when I grew up) I know it can be difficult to get along. Some moms are easy to be around, and others are more difficult. It's not that your mom's a bad person, others may get along with her fine, but you may have to work a little bit more to understand what she means, to not take what she says the wrong way,or use a little more patience around her, because your mom's personality or style is quite different from yours. It's worth the work, because your differences will stretch you a bit, and enrich your life and understanding in ways don't happen with people who are more like you. Challenging relationships can be the most rewarding. If you don't have an easy time with your mom, but still want to get along, check your own thinking first. Instead of trying to get what you've always wanted from your mom, think of finding a way to enjoy her as she is. Find something you can appreciate about her; something she does well, the way she dresses, her good friends, her hobbies. Make that the focus of your time together.

If you have trouble getting treated like an adult around your mom, the following guidelines can help you move the relationship from child-parent to a more equitable connection.

Guidelines for Growing up within your Family
1. Call her "Mom" or "Mother" instead of the more childlike "Mommy" or "Momma". It will make you think differently about your interaction.

2. Change your conversation to be more like the conversations you have with friends. Don't limit it strictly to family memories, or gossip about family members, or questions about your personal life. Before you speak with her, take a minute to think of what "grownup" topics you'd like to talk about. Current events, sports, work issues (just facts and events -- avoid complaining) political or local neighborhood issues are all grownup topics.

3. If you have children of your own, share with your mom on a parent -to parent basis.

4. Don't react if your mom does or says something annoying. Just ignore it, and change the subject.

5. Don't ask your mom for advice — try offering your own expertise instead — but offer it as you would to a friend. Don't push.

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content On YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dear Dr. Romance: Our sex life has been very bad

By

Dear Dr. Romance My husband of almost 9 years just told me about 2 months ago that he is in love with someone else. About 5 years ago I caught him cheating on me with this girl and he told me that it was over and it was just for the sex. Then 2 years later I found out that he was still with her. Then in June (after the birth of our third child) he told me ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: how do I forget that she is married and I am si

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I'm a high school assistant and I fell in love with mother of one of my students. She doesn't know anything about and has some difficulty with her son's wife. I told her I want to help you to sort out your problem, but I have no idea how to help her and how about my love how do I forget it that she is married and I am ... Read more

6 Ways To Create The Happiness Of Holiday Magic This Christmas

By

Recently, as we were eating in an Italian restaurant, the music transported me back to holidays with my Italian/American family. Traditional, sentimental Italian songs were such a large part of our gatherings for the holidays. After a huge, slow, multi-course dinner, Uncle Tommy would get up and go to the piano and just start playing. The whole family would ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular