Dr. Romance Says: Lighten Up: Cures for Marital Boredom
By Dr. Tina Tessina. Posted on .
Dr. Romance writes:
The old folk songs say it:
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Oh, love is handsome, love is fine
Love is a jewel when it is new;
But when love's old, it waxes cold
And fades away, like morning dew.
Folk wisdom says it: If newlyweds put a penny in a jar for every time they make love in the first year, and take one out for every time after that, the jar will never be empty.
Although most of us hope for our love to last forever, studies show that many couples who have been married for several years actually feel quite hopeless about keeping love alive, or at best resigned to boredom.
The majority expectation is that sexual excitement will fade, and the best we can hope for is fondness and affection, and it is this belief that often underlies cheating, affairs and even leaving a spouse for a new, often younger version.
When couples know how to:
- enjoy sex with each other rather than be tempted by others,
- be open and honest with each other about sexual dissatisfactions, attractions, and other uncomfortable topics,
- have well-established, reasonable guidelines for spending intimate time together,
- care about each others' feelings,
- treat each other with respect
- support each others' emotional health and happiness, and
- work together to create a partnership,
...they have a sexual relationship that enhances and brings excitement instead of boredom and discord to their partnership.
Satisfaction Enhances Security
Couples who know, from experience, that they can feel mutually satisfied and enhanced by being with each other, do not doubt their relationship or their commitment. When a relationship goes well, the reasons for being in it are clear: Why would any one want to leave a relationship where they get what they want, and have fun to boot? When your relationship works well and feels like the best of all possible relationships, leaving it for something else, however new and exciting, is too big a gamble to take.
Creating this kind of security takes some skill and effort. A key ingredient for success for any long-term relationship is learning to create fun together. Why fun? Because having fun together is a major way all couples enhance their positive feelings about each other, which we call bonding. While fun enhances your bonding and the security in your relationship, the absence of fun can create boredom, which can lead to serious problems.
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