How To Fight Fairly

• Acknowledge and honor your partner’s feelings—don’t deflect them, laugh at them or freak out. They’re only feelings, and they subside when respected, heard and honored.
• Listen with your whole self. Paraphrase what your partner says; check to see if you understand by repeating what is said. “So you are angry because you think I ignored you. Is that right?”
• No personal attacks or criticism. Focus on solving the problem.
• If you want to let off steam (vent), ask permission or take a time out. Handle your excess emotion or energy by being active (run, walk, hit a pillow,) writing, or talking to someone who is not part of the problem. Don’t direct it personally at anyone. You can’t vent and solve problems at the same time.
• Don’t try to solve a problem if you’re impaired: tired, hungry, drunk or unstable.
• Surrender to your responsibility. When you become aware that you have made a mistake, admit it and apologize. Use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.