Dr. Romance: Is Your Ex Driving You Nuts?

By

Dr. Romance: Is Your Ex Driving You Nuts?
Relationships: Three Tips to Dealing with a Really Difficult Ex-Spouse

Dr. Romance's three tips to dealing with a difficult ex.

1. Choose your battles.
One of my clients once said "I don't want to die on that hill." She meant: that battle isn't worth what it will cost me—I'll ignore that problem and save it for a bigger one. Don't get into adversarial positions with your ex when it's not necessary. Even if he or she drives you crazy, don't become oppositional. Save your energy for the big issues.  

2.  Don't react, respond.
Think carefully about everything you say before you say it. Calculate your words to get the response you want from your ex, rather than to create a problem you'll have to clean up later. It often works better to deal with difficult exes by phone message or e-mail, rather than in person. Everyone stays calmer. Leave it in the divorce court. 

3. You've fought your battle, it came out however it did, now let it go.
Remember, you once chose this partner, and you have things to learn about your choices. Focus on learning your lessons, and don't re-fight the old battles that are already settled. 

Do your part in the custody agreement, and if he doesn't do his, just keep a diary of all the times he didn't. If she creates scenes, just quietly listen and tape record them. If you get a nasty phone message, tape it and save it. If you need to, you can bring all this evidence to your lawyer to take to court, and win your big battles there.

More breakup advice from YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dear Dr. Romance: she is in denial and wants to escape the pain

By

Dear Dr. Romance: My best girlfriend ever and I dated for about eight months, then had a long distance relationship when she went back to her home country.  She just broke up with me over email and she is dating someone from her home city for the last month.  I thought we were very happy and serious and our best things were chemistry and ... Read more

Comforting the Little Orphan Girl

By

When life hands me a very difficult time, and I feel defeated and overwhelmed, I enter a hopeless and helpless state of mind I think of as The Little Orphan girl. This is the way I felt, as a teen, when I lost nearly my whole family, father, aunts and uncles, between the ages of 12 and 18. Needless to say, I was devastated; and I also survived and eventually, ... Read more

Dr. Romance on: 11 things people won't tell you about divorce

By

There's a lot of misinformation about divorce, and Dr. Romance would like to clear up some of the confusion. Here are 11 things people will not tell you about divorce. 1. Divorce will not make you happier, unless you’re leaving an abusive relationship. 2. Divorce sometimes seems easier than fixing your marriage, but it’s usually ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular