Checking in with yourself on a daily basis, knowing how you feel and what you think about whatever is going on in your life, will make you happier and reduce your stress. Being kind to yourself and having a good relationship with you gives you a paradigm to follow which will make all your relationships with other people go more smoothly.
Understanding your feelings helps you make appropriate choices in every phase of your life. A big advantage of knowing who you are is knowing how to pamper and comfort yourself when you’re stressed or tired.
Use what you have learned about your style to develop a style for recharging and relaxing:
- What makes you most comfortable?
- What soothes you?
- What helps you recharge?
It can be anything from a bubble bath, a yoga session, your favorite music to a long walk in the country, a phone conversation with your best friend, or a nap. Make a list of your favorite "personal rechargers." Make sure the list includes simple things you can do cheaply (such as relax with a cup of tea and read a favorite book) to things that are very special (such as spend a day at a bed and breakfast or have a massage and a facial). Keep the list where you can refer to it whenever you feel in need of a recharge and make use of it often.
Some people believe being a good friend to yourself is selfish, but you’ll discover that it’s really the opposite because if you maintain your internal friendship, it becomes easier to be a good friend to others, and to recognize when others are good friends to you.
2. Clear out resentment and bitterness.
Clinging to resentment can be very destructive. Resentment comes from not wanting to take responsibility for yourself: you've been disappointed, but you don't want to really acknowledge it and you also don't want to do the work of choosing a new goal, so you avoid it by wallowing in self-pity. If what happened to that you're resenting mimics a previous trauma, or your worst nightmare (you've been betrayed—again ), you're more likely to sink into bitterness. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy and it feels like you're doomed. It's a mental mechanism keep you from having to grow up.
Here's how to get over resentment and bitterness:
Swear off guilt: Guilt is like time payments you can keep suffering forever. Instead, do the grieving you need to do, figure out how you helped create the problems (or accepted them) and decide to change what didn't work before. Grieve all you need, but don't exaggerate your feelings.
Don't assign blame: If you blame someone else, you'll eventually turn that blame on yourself. So, instead of blaming, find some more neutral things to say. "We saw things differently," or "I gave it my best shot, but it didn’t work." Keep Reading...