Dr. Romance: Boundaries with your Ex

By

Dr. Romance: Boundaries with your Ex
Setting boundaries is the key to avoiding feeling used.

Personal space and respect are vital to the smoothness of a relationship. All personal relationships require boundaries. Boundaries are the limits you place on how much others can ask of you, verbally or otherwise. If a friendship or relationship is between two people who both have solid boundaries, the subject may never come up, because neither person will encroach without permission -- but, the boundaries are there. 

When you move from being married to being divorced, new boundaries must be set. Setting boundaries creates mutual respect and consideration. These qualities allow people to be close without emotional harm. Boundaries are breached by such actions as:

  • Reading personal mail or rummaging in personal space or demanding time, affection or consideration without considering the other person's wishes or feelings.
  • Showing up unannounced is another classic breach of boundaries, as is gossiping, or changing appointments without advance notice.

Anyone can be subjected to rudeness and inconsideration. How you handle it determines whether you are setting boundaries or not. Most situations can be handled with polite firmness.  People pleasers usually just don't know how to say "No, thank you" and make it stick. Boundaries can be set with grace and gentility. Be polite, and say "Please and thank you." Keep reading...

More relationships advice from YourTango

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dear Dr. Romance: I Would Like To Get Out Of This Anxiety

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I'm a 70-year-old man who has been married more than 40 years.  I read your article "Autonomy and Dependency" I feel like I've been in a codependency relationship the last fifteen years and have developed anxiety & depression. My wife is a strong person and I'm a 'pleaser.' I've been on ... Read more

Live Outside The Box

By

I was speaking with a client today about how he is burn-out in his career. This is a man who's been very successful, earned a lot of money, and worked hard for a big, national corporation. I told him he was burned-out, and on strike, because he had put himself in a box about work. The box consisted of four walls: Wall #1: I have to make $$$$ amount ... Read more

What To Do When You (Literally) Can't Afford To Be Let Down Again

By

Dear Dr. Romance: My partner, with whom I have been in a relationship for the past year, has changed and let me down twice. We were first friends for several years, and became a couple a year ago. We both fell in love instantly and desired to live together to build a good future, financially, with family. We both have children from past relationships and ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.