Dr. Romance: Bored with your Sex Life?

By

Dr. Romance: Bored with your Sex Life?
Put Spice Back into your Marriage with Tips to Help when the Sex Gets Boring

Putting Spice Back Into Your Marriage When The Sex Gets Boring

Are you bored with your marital sex life? What can you do about it? Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D, psychotherapist and author of "Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media 2008)" offers tips to improve intimacy with your mate.

 

Q: Sometimes I feel sexually excited, but I don't always feel desire for my husband. In other words, I'd rather take things into my own hands. Does this mean there's something wrong or missing from our relationship?
A: Sure it's normal. It's more direct and easier to do it yourself, and there's nothing wrong with that. Keep in mind, however, that the easy route might not be the best route for your marriage. If you can direct that energy toward having sex with your husband, your marriage will benefit. Also, take a little time to think about whether anything is going on within yourself that's putting you off. It's better to talk about that directly than to avoid it and go off by yourself.

Q: My husband and I have been married for many years. Thankfully I have orgasms somewhat easily and consistently, but I don't always look forward to sex. Weeks can go by without me missing it. Is this bad?
A: It's normal in a long-term marriage for spontaneous sex to diminish and even disappear. Don't continue to expect sex to generate itself as your marriage becomes more familiar and comfortable. You need to begin generating the sexual energy with each other. Try creating a mood, making a way for the two of you to transition from daily chores and hassles to intimacy. You might want to cuddle on the couch or surprise him with a kiss. You both need a signal that tells your partner that it's time for sex.

Q: How can we make sex seem more romantic and less run-of-the mill? How can we recapture the passion we once had so many years ago?
A: The most important thing to do is to take the hassle out of it. Don't have high expectations for every sexual encounter. Develop a repertoire that includes: sex when you're tired, sex when you're rushed and sex when only one of you wants it. 

Make it as easy as possible and get playful about it. If you can giggle and laugh together, you'll feel more connected. If you keep your sexual connection going, the big, romantic fantasy moments will happen every once in a while (an anniversary, while you're on vacation, and so on.) The key is to make it simple and easy to get together.

Q: If I fantasize about other men, does it mean something is wrong with my marriage? Should I tell my husband about my fantasies?
A: Fantasizing about other men is normal. Whether or not to tell your husband depends on your two personalities and preferences. Will he be intimidated and put off, or will he be excited about it? Sometimes fantasies can be used to enhance sex. For example, a fantasy that he has stolen you from another man could really get you both going.

For More Sex Advice From YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

6 Signs That Your Relationship Is Sucking The Life Out Of You

By

The unspoken dating rule is that once you're bonded with someone, you don't want to let go, even if things aren't going great. Since most of us like to avoid our feelings, we don't want to do the grieving that's necessary to let go. But when you've had a loss, there are a certain number of tears you must cry to let go ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: They say I am a diamond as a man

By

Dear Dr. Romance: Thanks for sharing the great article  "A Good Cry" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a question about it: "....If you're trying to help someone cope with a loss, don't try to make the bereaved person feel better. It just shuts down their grief, and makes them feel that their feelings are ... Read more

Letting Go Takes Love

By

Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular