Dear Dr. Romance: Why Do I Always Have Sex on the First Date?

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Dear Dr. Romance: Why Do I Always Have Sex on the First Date?
Are you (consciously or not) leading the conversation to sex on a first date?

Dear Dr. Romance:

I'm trying to find out why I always have sex on the first date. This is not to say that I have sex with every girl I date, or even that every girl I've gone out with has even been interested in me. It is simply to say that the overwhelming majority of my "situations" have been one date situations, for whatever reason and on the occasions that the woman is interested in me, we usually end up having sex.

 

To make matters worse (or more clear), I can meet someone on Thursday, call her on Friday, and usually by the end of that conversation we're talking about sex and she's ready to go at it, even if we were talking about politics at the beginning of the conversation. In the end, one of two things usually happens:

 

1: I have sex and never see the girl again (even if I call), or

2: Inever see the girl again and never have sex with her (even if I call).

 

This is both a serious compliment to me (who doesn't want to be sexy?) and a serious impediment as I'd like to actually get to know one of these women and find someone decent to have a relationship with. However, without knowing how to prevent the sex and/or the running away (on the occasions that the woman is interested but decides not to pick up the phone ever again) from happening, it is proving difficult to figure out the cause and thus prevent it from happening.

Asking the women hasn't yielded any answers, nor has asking the few female friends I have left. One did mention that she thought my intelligence might be a problem for most women... then she became attracted to me and I never saw her again... others have mentioned that I have a sexy speaking voice... but nothing I feel that can really help me out. Do you have any ideas?

 

Dear Reader:

I think you must be, consciously or not, leading the conversation to sex. It's probably a habit you have developed over years, and it works for you to some degree, so you aren't really aware of it. You're right. Sex on the first date almost always means it's a one-night stand. So, if you want a real, lasting relationship, you've got to learn to say "later" -- postpone sex until at least the fourth or fifth date. and give both of you a chance to get to know each other.

 

My guess is the women don't take you seriously. They think you're a player, you're using them, and they decide to just have sex with you (or not)to use you for their pleasure, but they don't want to see you again, because they don't believe you'll be faithful. You may have developed an unconscious habit of leading the conversation to sex, which makes you look like a player to the women.Therefore, they decide there's no possibility of a relationship, so they either decide to have a one-night stand or to forget it.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
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tina@tinatessina.com
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Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
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