ProConnect

Dear Dr. Romance: We Still Love Each Other, but I don't know

By

Dear Dr. Romance: We Still Love Each Other, but I don't know
Dr. Romance offers advice to a reader on getting over an affair.

Dear Dr. Romance:
i need some relationship advise really bad bad. Can you help??  I really need help, See, I cheated on my boyfriend of 4 years And he found out and forgave me! And he went out And slept with 3 girls that night is it possible for us to still work? We love each other but I don't know.


Dear Reader

More from YourTango: Dear Dr. Romance: I can now free myself and enjoy helping people


Yes, you can, but you both have to do a lot of growing up.  You can do that  if you both follow these steps:


Dr. Romance's 3 tips for getting over affairs: 


If you or your partner have had an affair, it doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship. If both of you are prepared to work through the problems, the following tips can help you move through the process.


1. Fess up – learn to listen and talk with each other: If you're serious about fixing the problems in your relationship, it's crucial that you both begin to face each other honestly and openly. Most of the time, affairs occur because the communication and intimacy in the relationship have broken down. It's time to take an honest look at what went wrong. You may need professional help from a counselor or therapist to open up your communication, but it's the only way to repair the damage done.


2. Fix Problems: Once the problems have been identified, be willing to make the changes that will fix them. Doing things the same way you always have will give you the same results. Again, it may take the objectivity of a counselor to help you figure out what changes are needed.

More from YourTango: How to Be Irresistible to Your Mate


3. Forgive: As long as you're stuck in blaming each other and defending yourself, or repeating the same old behavior, you won't be able to move forward. Forgiving each other doesn't mean condoning what happened, or that it would be OK if it happened again. What it does mean, is that you're willing to close that chapter and move on. Your therapist can help you understand and create mutual forgiveness.


"Apology and Forgiveness" will give you more information to help you heal the relationship.  Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Relationship

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dear Dr. Romance: I can now free myself and enjoy helping people

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I came across your web site when I was desperately looking for motivation. I'm a salesman selling first class products but I couldn't get motivated and it's been a problem for months. It's been getting worse. I read "Motivation and How to Create It (Good Boss/Bad Boss)" and now I'm sorted out. I ... Read more

How to Be Irresistible to Your Mate

By

Once upon a time, In high school, I memorized a poem that has been a constant source of help and direction in my life and relationships. It’s simple and much more sentimental than today’s cynical age can handle, but the very simplicity of it made it a great navigational tool for me in relationships. “He drew a circle that shut me ... Read more

Dr. Romance On Bad Marital habits

By

Dr. Romance sees many clients who are having marital problems because of the following bad habits.  If you find yourself doing any of these things, consider changing your behavior or getting counseling.   You place social media above real communication This can be a big problem, especially with younger couples. Feeling that you’ve ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Brain

The Man Down the Street

He moved in down the street, "closer to his job," now he's unavailable. I can't stop driving past...

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Are You Addicted To Comfort?

Don't be afraid to push the envelope—you'll achieve greater happiness.

Woman Weighing Herself

How to Lose Weight Without Dieting

10 Steps to integrating mindful eating- find peace, calmness and sanity around food and in your body

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS