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Dear Dr. Romance: We Still Love Each Other, but I don't know

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Dear Dr. Romance: We Still Love Each Other, but I don't know
Dr. Romance offers advice to a reader on getting over an affair.

Dear Dr. Romance:
i need some relationship advise really bad bad. Can you help??  I really need help, See, I cheated on my boyfriend of 4 years And he found out and forgave me! And he went out And slept with 3 girls that night is it possible for us to still work? We love each other but I don't know.


Dear Reader

More from YourTango: Dear Dr. Romance: I got very drunk and kissed another man


Yes, you can, but you both have to do a lot of growing up.  You can do that  if you both follow these steps:


Dr. Romance's 3 tips for getting over affairs: 


If you or your partner have had an affair, it doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship. If both of you are prepared to work through the problems, the following tips can help you move through the process.


1. Fess up – learn to listen and talk with each other: If you're serious about fixing the problems in your relationship, it's crucial that you both begin to face each other honestly and openly. Most of the time, affairs occur because the communication and intimacy in the relationship have broken down. It's time to take an honest look at what went wrong. You may need professional help from a counselor or therapist to open up your communication, but it's the only way to repair the damage done.


2. Fix Problems: Once the problems have been identified, be willing to make the changes that will fix them. Doing things the same way you always have will give you the same results. Again, it may take the objectivity of a counselor to help you figure out what changes are needed.

More from YourTango: Make New Friends, Keep Good Friends


3. Forgive: As long as you're stuck in blaming each other and defending yourself, or repeating the same old behavior, you won't be able to move forward. Forgiving each other doesn't mean condoning what happened, or that it would be OK if it happened again. What it does mean, is that you're willing to close that chapter and move on. Your therapist can help you understand and create mutual forgiveness.


"Apology and Forgiveness" will give you more information to help you heal the relationship.  Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Relationship

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

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