What To Do When You (Literally) Can't Afford To Be Let Down Again

By

What To Do When You (Literally) Can't Afford To Be Let Down Again
He is saying he loves you, but he's not acting like it. Actions speak louder than words!

Dear Dr. Romance:

My partner, with whom I have been in a relationship for the past year, has changed and let me down twice. We were first friends for several years, and became a couple a year ago. We both fell in love instantly and desired to live together to build a good future, financially, with family. We both have children from past relationships and are content with that.

 

We're happy that we're not looking to have any more kids at of our own. We're both dedicated, hard-working individuals. At first we shared the cost of rent. I paid all the utility bills, which is fine with me. Then one day he left, leaving me to pay rent all on my own, which became a small burden to me. Of course I was upset and felt let down, but I managed to make ends meet, paying the entire rent and other bills by myself.

A month later we got back together and this time he declared that he wouldn't move out for anything. Then we had a disagreement, and this time he left again without paying rent. And now a month later, he's telling me he loves me again and saying that he wants to work on our relationship. This tells me that he wants what we have. I'm all for it, but at what cost?

Twice this man has walked/moved out without paying his agreed portion of rent, leaving me in desperate measures. I'm heartbroken by his action. No matter what our faults are in this relationship, twice I have been let down by this man I love so dearly. I have prayed and spoken positive words of forgiveness for myself and for him because his friendship means the world to me. I am truly in love with him. But as of now, I am also in a lot of doubt about his actions.

Dear Reader:

I'm so sorry. You must be feeling terribly betrayed by this unreliable man. He sounds like a conflict-avoider to me, but one with no sense of empathy or responsibility. You will never be able to trust him, because he seems to feel entitled to flake on his responsibility whenever he's not happy. This is a serious problem, and part of his character.

If you decide to try living with him again, insist that he pay you a deposit of at least one month of his share of the rent in advance—a few months would be better. That way, if he just walks out, you have the rent covered for a little while, until you can make different arrangements or until he comes back. He will probably not like this, but it's a way to make sure he understands his responsibility. You don't say whether your children are living with both of you? If so, all this back-and-forth must be really hard for the children, too. That's another inconsiderate thing he's doing to his own child, and yours.

I know you're bonded to this man, but he doesn't seem very bonded to you—at least, not enough to realize that he has obligations not to just leave you with his share of the rent, with no notice. He is saying he loves you, but he's not acting like it. Pay more attention to his actions than to his words. The truth is in his actions. "You Be The Judge," "Couples Can Cooperate for Success"  and "Less Talk, More Action" will help you see your situation more clearly and give you ideas for what to do.

How to Be a Couple and Still be Free contains exercises, information and examples you and your partner can use to improve your relationship.

For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com.

This article was originally published at Dr. Romance Blog. Reprinted with permission.

More Couples Counselor advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dear Dr. Romance: Our sex life has been very bad

By

Dear Dr. Romance My husband of almost 9 years just told me about 2 months ago that he is in love with someone else. About 5 years ago I caught him cheating on me with this girl and he told me that it was over and it was just for the sex. Then 2 years later I found out that he was still with her. Then in June (after the birth of our third child) he told me ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: how do I forget that she is married and I am si

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I'm a high school assistant and I fell in love with mother of one of my students. She doesn't know anything about and has some difficulty with her son's wife. I told her I want to help you to sort out your problem, but I have no idea how to help her and how about my love how do I forget it that she is married and I am ... Read more

6 Ways To Create The Happiness Of Holiday Magic This Christmas

By

Recently, as we were eating in an Italian restaurant, the music transported me back to holidays with my Italian/American family. Traditional, sentimental Italian songs were such a large part of our gatherings for the holidays. After a huge, slow, multi-course dinner, Uncle Tommy would get up and go to the piano and just start playing. The whole family would ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular