Dear Dr Romance: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

By

Dear Dr Romance: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...
Dr. Romance Helps a reader who is sleeping with a married man.

Dear Dr. Romance:

I am a woman in my mid-twenties from India and I am working in the middle east in a professional job. I had a brief arranged marriage and am now getting divorced. One of my business clients, who is an Arab and over forty has been married for many years but claims his marriage is ending and that he loves me.

The problem is he always talks about sex. At work he is concerned about me, and talks about work matters, but when we are alone he just talks about sex and nothing else. I feel weird because I have something for this guy and was never into it for sex. Although we slept together once,— when his wife was away— I regretted it later. I enjoyed it and craved it sometimes. He is helpful if I have a flat tire or need some help, but otherwise he never misses a chance to grab my boobs or back and squeeze me.

When I try to talk to him about marrying me, he says his religion doesn't allow it, and life is not about marrying. When I tell him its time to settle down and have a family, he says home is about having someone to love and care for, and that doesnt require marriage.

I find it all weird.  I care about this man. I tried to forget and move on, but it's not happening. Can you help me please?

Dear Reader:

This sounds like a dangerous man to me. He may be there when you have a flat tire, but otherwise, he treats you with very little respect. This is one of the dangers of having sex too soon, or with a married man. He lost respect for you, and just wants to have his way with you. Don't believe his marriage is ending, and don't stay involved with him. He's been very clear about not wanting to marry you, and you know it. Find another way to deal with your flat tires and car problems.

Middle Eastern culture is tough on women, so be very careful who you date. You need to care about yourself, and treat yourself with respect  in order to get respect from men. I think you have been rather sheltered through your arranged marriage. Now that you're on your own, and away from home, you have to grow up fast. You're obviously very intelligent, but somewhat naïve emotionally. "You Be the Judge" and "Your Primary Relationship" will help you learn how to respect yourself and not rely on disrespectful men. If you're going to be out in the larger world, you need to be wise and cautious. The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again contains steps you can follow to begin successful and safe dating.

For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.

More relationship advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dr. Romance Video: How to Decide Whether or Not to End Your Marri

By

To view the video, click here. Dr Romance: Should you stay in your marriage? Marriage can be frustrating and disappointing, especially if you don't have the skills to fix it.  But giving in to the frustration and leaving may turn out to be the worst thing you ever did. Consider these reasons to stay: 1. You still love each other. Maybe ... Read more

Romance is Not Necessarily Love

By

In romantic depictions of love, cute little images of cherubs and cupids abound. But Cupid, in his real incarnation, is not so sweet and cuddly. His arrows can create deep and lasting wounds, and can strike you blind and irrational in a heartbeat. A few disaster-filled run-ins with Cupid’s dart and you can readily believe that love will never work for ... Read more

Mirrors and Teachers

By

There are people I love who are easy to be around, and others I love who are more difficult for me. It’s not that they’re bad people, others get along with them fine, and, actually, so do I. It’s just that I have to work a little bit more to understand what they mean, to not take what they say the wrong way, or use a little more patience ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.