Dear Dr Romance: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

By

Dear Dr Romance: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...
Dr. Romance Helps a reader who is sleeping with a married man.

Dear Dr. Romance:

I am a woman in my mid-twenties from India and I am working in the middle east in a professional job. I had a brief arranged marriage and am now getting divorced. One of my business clients, who is an Arab and over forty has been married for many years but claims his marriage is ending and that he loves me.

The problem is he always talks about sex. At work he is concerned about me, and talks about work matters, but when we are alone he just talks about sex and nothing else. I feel weird because I have something for this guy and was never into it for sex. Although we slept together once,— when his wife was away— I regretted it later. I enjoyed it and craved it sometimes. He is helpful if I have a flat tire or need some help, but otherwise he never misses a chance to grab my boobs or back and squeeze me.

When I try to talk to him about marrying me, he says his religion doesn't allow it, and life is not about marrying. When I tell him its time to settle down and have a family, he says home is about having someone to love and care for, and that doesnt require marriage.

I find it all weird.  I care about this man. I tried to forget and move on, but it's not happening. Can you help me please?

Dear Reader:

This sounds like a dangerous man to me. He may be there when you have a flat tire, but otherwise, he treats you with very little respect. This is one of the dangers of having sex too soon, or with a married man. He lost respect for you, and just wants to have his way with you. Don't believe his marriage is ending, and don't stay involved with him. He's been very clear about not wanting to marry you, and you know it. Find another way to deal with your flat tires and car problems.

Middle Eastern culture is tough on women, so be very careful who you date. You need to care about yourself, and treat yourself with respect  in order to get respect from men. I think you have been rather sheltered through your arranged marriage. Now that you're on your own, and away from home, you have to grow up fast. You're obviously very intelligent, but somewhat naïve emotionally. "You Be the Judge" and "Your Primary Relationship" will help you learn how to respect yourself and not rely on disrespectful men. If you're going to be out in the larger world, you need to be wise and cautious. The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again contains steps you can follow to begin successful and safe dating.

For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.

More relationship advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dear Dr. Romance: If I am not strong, I cannot be an example for

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I am mid-thirties mom with 3 children looking to divorce. I read your article "Family Violence Q & A" and I decided to write to you for help to stand on my feet again.  I was a homemaker since I had my first child, but had lived very unfulfilled as my husband (who was my first and only boyfriend) emotionally and verbally ... Read more

Dr. Romance's Guidelines for Not Fighting

By

Fighting a lot? Dr. Romance recommends: No matter what you’re fighting about: money, sex, kids or something else, the fighting is an indication that your communication isn’t working. If this happens only occasionally, such as when one or both of you are tired or stressed; it’s not too big a problem. However, if you argue or bicker on a ... Read more

These Decisions Can Increase Your Happiness

By

When you use smart decisions and self-awareness to shape your life, it will reflect your deepest aspirations and your fondest dreams. Make your life your own. Decide to re-decide. Re-examine your goals and dreams. Don't just assume that what you wanted yesterday is still right for you. Have your goals and dreams changed? Give yourself the freedom to ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular