Dear Dr. Romance: What Should A Twentysomething Grad Student Do?

By

Dear Dr. Romance: What Should A Twentysomething Grad Student Do?
Why are you avoiding romance? This guy is just a way to hide out...

Dear Dr. Romance,

We are co-workers and I've know him for about two years. He's very nice, funny and in very good shape. We've built a pretty solid friendship. We hang out a couple times a month (when I'm home from school). But, lately he's been pushing for a relationship (seeing as how I'm graduating next year).

 

He's very supportive and protective of me. And I respect him for it. Honestly, I can see myself dating him, as a companion, but I'm not physically attracted to him. And, I know I'm not attracted to him because he wanted to kiss me and I actually cringed at the thought. And, I know he's still sexually active because he jokes a lot about it. He even went so far as to ask me when the last time I was intimate.

If we had a relationship it would be as companions, not as a lovers. But, is it actually worth dating him while depriving myself sexually?

Dear Reader,

If you're calling it dating, you're implying that sex is going to happen sometime soon. Given that you're cringing at the idea of kissing him, I think you should make it very clear that friendship is all you're offering, and not let him pay for any dates (no matter what you say, a man that age will assume you're dating if he pays.)

Better yet, stop thinking about him at all, and figure out why you're not dating someone else. You're in grad school, a great venue to find a suitable partner of a similar age. What's going on with you? Why are you avoiding romance? This old guy is just a way to hide out, and at your age, you shouldn't be hiding out.

"Guidelines for Successful Dating" and "The Fine Art of "Squirrel Hunting" will help you figure out how to date, and "How to Avoid Loving a Jerk" will show you how to stay safe. The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again  will help you clear up baggage from previous experiences and get out there with confidence.

Best of luck to you. I wish you happiness! For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.

More dating advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dr. Romance on Silver and Gold: secrets to making and keeping fri

By

Make new friends, keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.——adage Research conducted by Dr. Dean Ornish and others shows that the happiest and healthiest people are those who are well-connected to friends and family. But, in our mobile society, keeping friends is not always possible. Long-term friendships are wonderful and valuable, but ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: I feel terrible about not keeping the promises

By

Dear Dr. Romance: My story will probably sound like a thousand others you've heard, but I am in desperate need of some answers. I am in my fifties, my wife is a few years younger. My wife had a hysterectomy about 15 years ago, so menopause is not likely part of this equation. As you are probably guessing, a large part of our problem has to do with the ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: My girlfriend doesn't think she can handle this

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I am (or was, perhaps) in a fairly strong relationship for a few months now. Recently though, as the upcoming fall quarter approaches, my girlfriend doesn’t think she can handle a relationship. Between stress from school (she really wants her 4.0 this year), over-bearing parents, and the recent death of her dog, she has a lot going ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular