Dear Dr. Romance: She started pushing me away and becoming distan

By

Dear Dr. Romance: She started pushing me away and becoming distan
Dr. Romance helps a reader whose girlfriend is pushing him away.

Dear Dr. Romance:

I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 almost 6 months now. We hit it off from the very beginning and fell in love a couple months into the relationship. Both of us are independent people and level headed, but there's a deep connection between the two of us and the relationship was going GREAT until recently. She even brought up moving in together this summer and I was all for it.

Then two weeks ago she started pushing me away and becoming distant. She later told me that a guy whom she worked with and dated 4 years ago, is going to be working with her again. She had not seen him in 4 years until now. This same guy cheated on her and let her down in the worst ways. She says him, and her ex husband are the reason why "she isn't good with relationships and doesnt trust men."

She said with him back in the picture, being forced to work with him, brought all those feeling back of resentment and the though of "us" scares the hell out of her. She's afraid I'll walk out on her and her son like all the other men from her past. I assured her I was nothing like the men she's dated before and that I wanted to be there for her even through the tough times. She said she is depressed and has anxiety and until she can get it under control, she just wants a best friend and not a boyfriend.  We went on "break" which from my prespective means she is politely saying we're done and doesn't want to hurt my feelings or she wants to date other people and keep me on the back burner.

I gave her space, but confronted her with my feeling on what a "break" meant. She swears that its not like that. She told me she loves me, she's happy when we're together, I'm her world and she's so in love with me, but she just needs a friend until she can work these issues out. On top of her ex bf, she also said that she's having problems at work and that 6 of her ex bf's who she hasn't talked to in years are now contacting her and one of them is a guy who raped her in high school.

That guy who raped her has also threatened to take her life in the past. She says that maybe after she works everything out we can date again, but that I have to stop trying so hard to get her back and respect what she wants because trying to win her back is what everyone else has done and it pushes her away even more. Right now all she wants is a friend so I agreed (which is something I never do; I usually never contact them again.) But with her its different. I trust her which is also a rarety, but she's been completely honest with me from the get go about everything, including her past which has alot of baggage. I trully love this woman for who she is TODAY, not yesterday.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dr. Romance video: Do men have biological clocks?

By

Dr. Romance on men and biological clocks: To view the video, click here. Yes, a man can feel the need to grow up and have a family, especially when he finds a woman who inspires those feelings in him.  The problem is, how can you be sure the match is a good one? You’d think the positive signs in a date would be obvious, but with all the ... Read more

The Do's And Don'ts Of Improving Your Attitude

By

I have written in this column recently about emotional hygiene, which is doing the necessary maintenance on feelings as well as your physical body and household. Health reminders tell us to wash our hands frequently to prevent the transmitting of diseases. Did you know you can "wash" your mood, too, and give yourself an attitude adjustment whenever ... Read more

Advice: Confronting A Rift With An Adult Child

By

Dear Dr. Romance, I read your newsletter How To Heal A Rift With An Adult Child with joy because of how you simplify things for us. I already tried by email, but the conflict got more complicated. I received two emails; the second one had a picture with the message, "See what you are missing?" This did hurt me; it was out of context, so I ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB