Dear Dr. Romance: She Can't Forgive The Hurt I Caused

By

Dear Dr. Romance: She Can't Forgive The Hurt I Caused
If you can't manage your own moods, emotions and reactions, your wife will never reconcile with you.

Dear Dr. Romance

I came across your name in an article on Yahoo titled "More Couples Sleeping Apart: Is This Healthy?".  My wife and I have been together since for over ten years, and  have 3 children. and my wife has a daughter from a previous relationship.  We have been seeing a marriage counselor because my wife has been unhappy with me for years. Several months ago, she told me she wanted a divorce. She claims that I pushed her away with my behavior (anger, mood swings, etc.) and has fallen out of love with me. I begged her to stay. I promised her we would seek counseling and that I would change my ways.

 

She has stuck around and has been telling me she is trying to find it within her heart to want to continue with our relationship. A recent argument has put us back to what feels like square one. She told me she is leaving to live her life without me in it. I am desperate. I love my wife tremendously and I am willing to do anything and everything it will take to save our marriage.

Counseling at this point does not seem to be helping us. Lisa has said during counseling sessions that she doesn't understand how anyone can make her love me again. I believe she truly wants to leave me for good but struggles within herself when it comes to hurting me. I have been pouring my heart out to her constantly until she made me promise to stop and to just give her some time and space.

I don't know who to turn to at this point. She has moved out of our bedroom and into the spare bedroom for the third time now. Our youngest child for the second time has asked why mommy isn't sleeping in our bed anymore. She cannot forget all of the hurt I have caused her. I feel like we need strong intervention to help us heal the pain in our past so that we can start to rebuild our relationship.

Dear Reader:   From what you're telling me, I think couples counseling is not the right way to go. You need counseling for your "behavior (anger, mood swings, etc.) " As long as you have an anger problem, you won't be able to sustain a relationship, with your wife or anyone else. I recommend you get individual counseling immediately, and be serious about it. If you can't manage your own moods, emotions and reactions, your wife will never reconcile with you.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dr. Romance asks: Are the Post-Holiday Blues getting you down?

By

Everyone is relieved when the holidays are over, and sometimes disappointed. If you're worn out, it's worth your while to take the time to recharge a little, and pamper yourself. Dr. Romance gives  4 Tips for handling Post-holiday blues * If you are disappointed, and the holidays let you down in some way, process that first. Write in your ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: How Do I Stop My Husband's Ex-Wife from Smother

By

Dear Dr. Romance:  My husband has a son with his ex-wife.  He is 12, but she still invites him to sleep in her bed. How old is too old to be sleeping with Mom?  I know kids from divorced parents have different issues-- one being how a child should sleep, what manners to follow, at what time to do their chores, homework, etc. I think ... Read more

Creating Family Acceptance

By

Lately, I’ve gotten so many anguished questions from people who are being criticized and rejected by family for making relationship choices the families don’t like, usually for cultural or religious reasons, that I changed my mind about what I was going to write this month. If your choice of a partner, lifestyle, religion or place to live has ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular