Dear Dr. Romance: My wife is reading romance novels

By

Dear Dr. Romance: My wife is reading romance novels
Dr. Romance helps a reader learn about his wife and romance novels.

Dear Dr. Romance

For many many years, i have been the income earner for our 4 kids and my wife while she was home raising the kids.  Day in day out I was working sometimes three jobs. I got into a career that took 10-15 hrs per day for the first three years - the money was great and I thought everything was going awesome especially since everyone was enjoying spending my money on lavish things.

 

Then my wife started taking courses in night school with her friend. Dressing nicely, make up the whole bit...for school? Then one course led to another, and she took some with my eldest daughter as well. Then one day i noticed that she was getting emails from a classmate who was male.  It was pretty personal stuff like "what do you want to do with your life?" type questions.

I also found that she was reading tons of romance novels. we had it out, cried lots, and mended our relationship.  She said i was always cranky and in bad moods.  I guess from being tired, working always and coming home to a messy house and lazy teens did that to me. Anyway, she said she was going to stop reading romance, because it bothered me so much, and that she wouldn't email any "guys" from class.

1 yr went by and things have been awesome...until i found some new romance novels. They disturb me because they are fake, about affairs, etc...why read them? I confronted her and she said she would never stop reading them. It bothers me so much that she won't stop reading them.  I feel belittled that she is reading about hunky guys and sex.  I stopped facebook, I stopped the occasional drink of beer, I stopped lots of things because it bothers her, but she can't stop the one thing that bothers me. I've even said, I don't care what your read, just not that filth. It makes me feel bad. What to do?

I know she is not cheating because we are always around each other; unless she is occassional teaching at the school which she did lots of this past year. Help! Am I nutz, or do you see a problem?

Hi, Jason:

Awesome for you may not be awesome for her. You are obviously an excellent provider, and most women want that, but when good providing means you neglect your wife, marriages tend to suffer. Romance novels are a women's version of porn, because women are not turned on by sex, but by romantic attention.

She's trying to get from books what she's not getting from you. The problem these books create is that real life can never live up to the romance novel version, so the books (like porn) can become addictive.

Your wife isn't feeling loved, wanted, needed.  She probably feels pressured, controlled and not respected.  She's somewhat emotionally immature, in that she's not recognizing her own needs and coming to you asking to fix the problem. Instead, she's escaping into romance novels to get her "fix" of affection and attention. Your own emotional immaturity shows in that you don't realize when you're being neglectful and cranky, and take charge of fixing that.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Merry Christmas from Dr. Romance!

By

Dr. Romance wishes you Happy Holidays with a song lyric.                lyric by Tina B. Tessina Sparkling stars, twinkling lights, Shorter days, longer nights Busy streets are tinseled and bright with Chanukah stars and Christmas lights. Driving home, breathing a ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: Our sex life has been very bad

By

Dear Dr. Romance My husband of almost 9 years just told me about 2 months ago that he is in love with someone else. About 5 years ago I caught him cheating on me with this girl and he told me that it was over and it was just for the sex. Then 2 years later I found out that he was still with her. Then in June (after the birth of our third child) he told me ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: how do I forget that she is married and I am si

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I'm a high school assistant and I fell in love with mother of one of my students. She doesn't know anything about and has some difficulty with her son's wife. I told her I want to help you to sort out your problem, but I have no idea how to help her and how about my love how do I forget it that she is married and I am ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular