to the YourTango newsletter!

Continue to Site »»

ProConnect

Dear Dr. Romance: My Parents Are Racists

By . Posted on .

Dear Dr. Romance: My Parents Are Racists
Are you and your partner developing a different culture than that of your parents? It won't be easy.

From what you tell me, this is a good relationship. It is very important that he treats you well and you work well together, even though your parents don't understand that. I recommend that you keep telling your parents that you love them, you don't want to dishonor them, but you must build your own life. Keep expressing your gratitude that they gave you what you need to live a happy, fulfilling life. Express your regret that you cannot make them happy. Keep building success in your life with your partner.

Eventually, they may come around to see that your path is working. In this case, you must be the bigger person, and love them even though they are not being loving right now. In my experience, most families eventually adjust to these differences. Your parents have had to accept many things in their lifetime that they did not want -- they will probably be able to accept this eventually. If they keep sending you money, keep saving it. You may be able to use it to help care for them in their old age.

More from YourTango: What Is A Dysfunctional Relationship?

I wish there were an easy answer to this, but you and your partner are developing a different culture than that of your parents, and that is never the easy path. You are choosing your own happiness and success over the dictates of your family and culture. Your problem is the problem of the New Millennium, in which we are transcending the limits of race and culture. We must be careful to cherish the richness of the original cultures while overcoming their limits. I wish you the best of luck in your new life. "Mirrors and Teachers" and "Creating Family Acceptance" will help you understand them better, and react better. The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make Before 40 will give you a lot of information about building an independent life.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

What Is A Dysfunctional Relationship?

By

Unless you're completely out of touch with any media, written, audio or video, you have been bombarded with words like "dysfunctional relationship", "codependency" and "toxic family system". You may have noticed that there's a lot of information available about these relationships, but not too much about what to do about ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: at funerals, how do you comfort families in mou

By

Dear Dr. Romance: What suggestions can you offer for guests at funerals in regards to comforting families in mourning? Thanks! Dear Reader: Your presence at the memorial or funeral, honoring their loved one who passed, is the most comfort, so go if you can. When you are greeting the family at the funeral, simply say "I'm so sorry for ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: What Is The Grieving Process?

By

Dear Dr. Romance:   What Is The Grieving Process? What are the stages of the grieving process? Dear Reader:   If you've had a personal loss, I am sorry that you have to go through it.  The traditional stages of grieving, developed by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, are Denial (or shock), Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Crazy

After breakup – do you keep the ring – or give it back?

NFL star, Mario Williams, and ex in ugly legal battle over $785k ring. What’s the right thing to do?

happiest

How To Keep Crush Interested In You

You finely got to talk and do much more with your crush.But Now what? How Can You Start Dating Him?

Cuffs

What Is A Dysfunctional Relationship?

Dysfunctional Relationships are relationships that do not perform their appropriate function.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS